Day & Night very lame but i had a go

Darkness creeps about the edges
Fog rolls in dark and dank and smelling of rotten flesh
Footsteps beat in an endless tattoo
upon the cold hard ground
It was easiy to see why so very long ago
In the endless valts of time
They, the ones who rule decided to make a sacrifice
I hear the footsteps the crunch of ice
i am ready
this night they will not catch me
I run ducking and weaving through the endless forests,
They swoop taking advantage of my fragilaty
Pain blossems exquisite
I try most despratly to scream
But the cruel and heartless creatures,
Have split my throat
Blood splatters upon the ground
And weakly i crawl away
The sun will rise again
My blood as a sacrifice

Oh thats a grusome poem. I have no idea why i wrote it.
Mainly to bug my teacher i think.
~Morgaine

It was good, though it would be better in stanzas.

Oh yer, first time ever! I spot a spelling mistake.. Again, unless it means something. Despratly should be desperately unless my computer spelt it wrong too. Oh yer, found some more but cant be bothered to check them out.

Nice try though!

I thought this poem was very good. It was disgusting Well done!

I try most despratly to scream
But the cruel and heartless creatures,
Have split my throat
Blood splatters upon the ground
And weakly i crawl away
The sun will rise again
My blood as a sacrifice

*laughs* It is really gruesome...but it seems comical too...no offense, if that's not what you were going for... .. sorry, I don't know if I'm in a really morbid mood or whatever, it was just kind of funny to me. Anyway, you did a really good job with it.

~*~Areida~*~

Really good, but Emma's right there are tons of spelling mistakes.

"vaults" not "valts", "easy" not "easiy" "fragility" not "fragilaty" "blossoms" not "blossems"

And also I think you need to be consistent in whether you are going to capitalize the first letter of each line or not. You seem to prefer this, but in some lines you don't.

And adding puncuation where appropriate would help.

Other than that, I loved it.

Yea! people liked my poem.
Yeah I am a pretty bad speller though.
Also i get in trouble for not capitaliseing (is that even a word????) stuff propaly (Spelling Error)
but is sounds right, right?
~Morgaine

I like this poem, very grousome, but I like that but this line was a little confusing:

[qoute]
Fog rolls in dark and dank and smelling of rotten flesh
[/qoute]

To many 'ands' for me, and it didn't make much sense to me ethier. And the missspelled words stop the flow a little, but I liked this pome anyway. Good job!

Hmmmm.....I love it. So gruesome. So very very gruesome. You're right though you're not very good at spelling morgaine.

Gruesome, yep i like it.

Ahh.. [covers eyes] this was scary.

You do have a few spelling mistakes and also I think it would be better if you structured it in stanzas, but apart from that I can find nothing wrong with it. Just remember to proofread before you post.

Oh wow! I posted this like...a year and a half ago. ^_^

Thanks for the Crit. though; I may rework this. *nod*