Wow. This is the first time I've read this type of poetry! It's outstanding, althought a little confusing--Im used to the characters being fleshed out [although since it's a poem I suppose that isnt necessary]. Good job!
-Evangelina
Break the boundaries, hunt the hunter, and leave me a tip.
----to kill or not to kill
You've outdone yourself, Cal. It took me a while to warm up to it--I'm always hesitant about dialogue in poetry--but this was, on the whole, very well done. A few nitpicks: the second stanza just seems off, somehow; the flow's not very clean. The alliterative part of the third line, in particular, struck me as off.
In the third stanza, I think it would flow a little neater without the "you" at the end of the first line; and though I can only guess at what farsh is, I really love this stanza--it seems to really be where the poem takes on a life of its own, and it's where I decided that maybe dialogue in poetry isn't always such a bad thing. ^~
In the last stanza, in addition to having an unnecessary comma (third line), I think it might up the dramatic effect and help the flow if you restructured the line breaks more like this:
“Now listen,” the dedushka commanded. “Trees are very much alive--” And then he remembered the smell of polyurethane and sawdust.
The first time I read this it felt too detached - I don't know if this was the effect of the dialouge, or just the feeling that there was a far-away observer recording what was happening and nothing more. As I read through again, though, the effect grew on me. So I think with these kinds of poems you walk a careful line near being too detached or distant from the characters. The words here seem very careful, and that works.
