She was wading through a sea of clothing, whites, blacks, greys, as all the drab colours of the world sat at her feet. Standing on a tall pile of clothing she looked into the now bare cupboard. Nothing; it was completely empty. In quiet disappointment she turned, ignoring the destruction behind her, and waded out of the room. A stealthy glance to her right, and then her left, declared the hallway to be clear of all life forms. ‘No hiding places here.’
The next room on was painted blue with sailboats floating over the walls in eerie abandon. ‘A clear contrast’, she thought suddenly, to the last room; painted pink, with fairies fluttering just out of reach, waiting for the giggling mischief that occurred once the door was closed. It would be in this room, she decided, in this alien room, covered in foreign paraphernalia that it would happen; that she would conquer.
She danced around the room, her body jerking to an unheard tune; ripping the room apart. Paper flew from its neat piles on the desk, and clothes shot from the closet crumpling in heaps on the rapidly disappearing floor. Coming to a sudden halt, she stared around the room, watching the light make the dust shine in the air. Not here, the room was empty. She had failed. The bed, the closet and even under the desk, all were clear, with nothing to be found. A light growl began in her throat, her small hands fisting by her side.
It was her birthday; she was coming of age this day. Still she could not win this one small challenge. It irked her. No. It angered her. How dare she fail in this with its awful, sickening ease? This could not happen; she would succeed, for today was her day. Taking a deep breath she stepped over the refuse of her search and closed the door behind her as she moved into the next room.
All day she had searched, all day she had turned up with nothing. It was galling how spectacularly Lonnie could hide. Every year they played this little game, this insignificant little game that had become her world. She could remember the first day Lonnie had suggested the game, the first of many days, and the first of many defeats.
“Let’s play a game Madison!” Lonnie had cried in her loud, obtrusive voice. “I know the most perfect game! It’s called Hide and Seek.”
That was it, from that day it was tradition, they played Hide and Seek on Madison’s birthday, and without fail Madison would lose. She just could never find her. Her mother and father wouldn’t help. “I can’t see her, dear” or “she’s your friend, darling” were all Madison ever heard from either of them. Her brother was too busy with his friend, Jack, or something, as Madison never did pay any attention to either of them. So she searched, every year, on her own.
This year seemed a little different though, because Lonnie would usually come out of hiding once Madison had torn up her brother’s room, Peter always got so furious and both Lonnie and Madison found it hilarious. Yet now, Madison was standing in the kitchen; having already taken all of the food and appliances out of the cupboards and off the shelves which were littered the floor around her. Lonnie was nowhere to be seen. Madison thought hard about Lonnie; what she might be doing; whether she was in trouble. Lonnie was the strong one, she looked after Madison, and there was hardly a day that went by when Madison didn’t ask Lonnie for help. Now Lonnie was missing, and Madison had to fend for herself.
Her feet moved slowly, as if in quicksand; dragging her along with the grace of a sloth. Madison double checked each room, and even triple checked, but alas, Lonnie was not there. Suddenly it hit her, ‘The backyard!’ They had never played the game outside, for if Lonnie could not be found inside the house, what hope was there for Madison if they were to play outside? She rushed outside, bursting through the door into the glaring sunlight. Momentarily blinded, Madison listened instead of looked. She could hear the birds, the wind in the trees, and even the odd call from the boys who lived next door. She began to panic. There was no sound of Lonnie.
‘What did Lonnie sound like?’ She wondered absently. She thought over all the time she had been with Lonnie. All the noises; all the sounds Lonnie had made. She had been loud, the complete opposite of Madison, her other half. Lonnie was outgoing, bright, happy, and colourful, she didn’t own any drab grey clothes, she didn’t whisper – she shouted.
Thinking about Lonnie, Madison noticed a new sound, a soft whisper of crying. It came from the back of the yard, just beyond the tree line. She moved as quietly as she could, hoping not to scare away the person who was so sad. As she broke through the trees, and looked upon the figure sitting on the fence post, she stopped short. There was Lonnie, or rather, there wasn’t Lonnie. She had faded, it seemed, into the sun; her clothes were no longer so bright, and her body less clear. Madison stepped closer to Lonnie in the exact moment that Lonnie glanced up at her. Even crying Lonnie was beautiful, Madison marvelled. The question was why. Why was Lonnie crying, especially out here, all alone, during Hide and Seek time?
Without thinking Madison reached out a hand to her friend, her best friend; her only friend. Lonnie took it and with one last woeful parting tear she faded out of the world. Madison stood stunned, Lonnie was gone. Gone. She would never see her again. Madison knew that, she didn’t know how, she didn’t know why, but she knew. Lonnie was lost, and Madison feared she would never be found.
Madison never was any good at Hide and Seek.
I'm dead tired right now, so I guess you just shouldn't expect intelligibility out of me. 
But I hope you could at least decipher sort of what I meant!
Emotions too--tell us about how your characters feel at different points and how this relates to her actions and thoughts.
I like it! I was very suprised about the ending :O Well, good suprise that is. I think that's enoughsaid ^^ keep up the good work (Y)