Unknown Story Chap. 9 part 2

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*~*~*


Khor wiped another streak of blood off with his sleeve. He stood and looked around. Yes. He smiled and smugly looked out at the perfect stone walls and cell he had just created. He walked over and sat on his new fluffy bed. He waved his hand at the lamp hanging on the ceiling and it turned on.

He saw a desk and a bookshelf and walked over to open a book. It was completely blank. While putting back to its rightful spot he said, “Well, it’s better than nothing.” he walked back to his bed and sat down on it. There was a pleasant breeze coming from the long, metal hallway.

Khor used the Favthom again and concentrated on his cell. It bent and wiggled. Khor felt the familiar pain his stomach and a small stream of blood ran down his mouth. It hurt much less and Khor could now freely manipulate his cell. He lengthened it and gave it a window overlooking an undestroyed, Spark Light Academy campus. The trees were in bloom and the grass was the same perfect length.

Khor stood and surveyed the enlarged room. He took the liberty of adding a closet and a tray of food on the desk. He also put a mirror in the corner. He walked over and opened the empty closet. The popped a chunk of meat into his mouth and tasted, nothing. He walked over to the window and attempted to open it.

It didn’t budge. Khor turned on several other lamps that he placed around the cell. He sat on the bed and used the Favthom again. This time I’ll try to affect the outside of my cell. Khor focused on the darkness that stretched out beyond the hallway and tried to bring light to it.

A pain stabbed him in the head and he fell over, clutching it. It stung his brain and made his vision swim. His eyes watered and he fell to his knees. The pain ebbed away and he stood. “Okay, then, bad idea.” he walked over to the bars and ran his finger on the cold steel. He turned around again and lay on the bed, and eventually slept.



~*~*~


Vathen woke silently. He was in a warm bed and the covers were pulled up to his chest. He looked around motionlessly and saw he was in the Yeseve recovery room. There were two other spirits in other beds around the room. He attempted to sit up and felt sharp pains all around his chest, abdominal, and leg areas.


Vathen ripped back the blankets and saw himself wrapped heavily in slightly red bandages. He put his hand on a bed side table and pushed up. He was having trouble balancing and nearly fell over, creating a lot of noise. A nurse came over immediately and tried to help Vathen back into his bed. He struggled and shouted, “No! No, I need to talk to Jlk and Gyth!”

“Shh!” she replied. Soon Jlk drifted through one of the doors and said, “Vathen my friend, this is a place of rest. Why are you making so much noise?”

“Thank The Four!” Vathen shook off the nurse and limped over towards Jlk.

“Careful my friend! You’ve had major injuries! You should be resting!”

“That doesn’t matter right now. You’ve got to listen. Jelseves are going to attack.” silence followed this statement and Jlk stood there silently. He rubbed his chin and replied,

“I heard you when you said this the first time. We built up defenses and nothing happened. We waited but, nothing happened. I’m very pleased to say you must have been misinformed. The attack was a ruse, Vathen!” Vathen stood there and eventually sat in his bed and rubbed his head.

“How?” He said shocked.

“I thought you’d be pleased, Vathen! No attack! That’s very good isn’t it?”

Vathen nodded in response. His mind was swimming with possibilities. What happened? Maybe they’re trying something else. I just pray I didn’t go through everything that I did for nothing. Wait! Maybe… Jlk drifted up and patted Vathen on the shoulder and said,

“Its fine, friend.” The nurse and Jlk left the room and Vathen lay back down.

After several hours of thinking things through a nurse eventually came by and mentioned Vathen had a visitor while changing his bandages.

Khor walked through the door and approached Vathen. “How’s it going?” Vathen nodded and Khor sat down next to the bed.

“So, what happened?” Vathen waited until the nurse left until replying.

“I was ambushed. They stepped out of the air and nearly killed me. If it wasn’t for a traveling group of adventurers I would have died. I don’t know what happened to them but I suppose I’m lucky to still be breathing.”

Vathen laid back and winced because of the wounds. He folded his hands across his chest and laced his fingers. He looked again to Khor and said,

“Are you alright?” Before Vathen could go on Khor replied, “Fine.”, got up and left.

After several more hours Vathen decided he was well enough to get up and walk around a bit. Much to the nurse’s dislike, Vathen went up to his room and changed into proper clothes. He tied on his cloak and laced his boots. When he left the room he was barely flinching at his injuries.

He stepped down stairs and was just in time for diner. Many spirits looked up and cheered as he came down. They welcomed him and gave him pork and mashed potatoes. They sang and cheered about Vathen and when there were good times. Vathen ate quietly during the feast and had conversations with only a few spirits.

Afterwards spirits began to go off to bed or help with cleaning of the dishes. Most went to bed singing or dancing. Vathen remained at the table with Jlk and Gyth.

“So, friend, now would you mind telling us hat happened to you. You gave everyone quite a scare.” asked Gyth. Vathen sat in silence and finally answered.

“I was going too met with Jyzeth. He told me about recent news and filled me in on the latest happenings of my mission. I’m afraid I cannot tell you. But I can say, it is not good. On my way back from our meeting place, Jelseves ambushed me. I was barely able to fend them off long enough until I could summon Grevsleth. Of course, he was able to defeat them but had to be recast before I could get here. And, the rest you obviously already know.” Jlk and Gyth sat in silence and Vathen took a sip of wine. Vathen looked at the both of them in silence and finally said, “Is anything wrong?”

“I am sorry I doubted you my friend. You were right about Jelseves attacking. It is very reasonable to believe that you thought they would most certainly attack Yeseve. I apologize.” replied Jlk.

“Not at all, my friend. I apologize for stirring up trouble.”

“Never! You are not only welcome here but all of us in Yeseve also trust you! We should never have doubted you. We apologize.” exclaimed Gyth.

“Thank you my dear friends.” The rest of the night consisted of talking and eventually going off to bed. Vathen climbed the stairs slowly and wearily found his way into his bed. He slipped off his cloak, tunic, and blindfold and slipped into bed gratefully. He slept peacefully and the world seemed to be quiet…
Last edited by Poltergiest on Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I used to rule the world, see it rise when I gave the word, now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets I used to own

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Tis good!

-greenjay
the greenjay strikes again...




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He saw a desk and a bookshelf and walked over to open a book


-Describe him takin gthe book out first.

The popped a chunk of meat into his mouth and tasted, nothing.


-Small typo at the start and remove the comma before nothing. Or you could do "tasted it. Nothing."

He sat on the bed and used the Favthom again. This time I’ll try to affect the outside of my cell. Khor focused on the darkness that stretched out beyond the hallway and tried to bring light to it.


Put the bold words in italics to show that they're thoughts.

Good piece! :wink: Hope this helps.




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Good job! I like it how Khor can manipulate...yeah.
I find myself at a loss for appropriate expressions to display the feelings I have for your work. I leave you to decipher whether or not that last sentence was a compliment or not. Heh heh... :twisted:

Your truly, 8)
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Hmmm. I think Khor creates a few too many items for the cell. If each spell hurts him, wouldn't it be wiser to just provide himself with the basics or something to aid his escape. Why doesn't he try creating a key? I thnk he should if only to show it fail. Also, describe him creating the items at the beginning. I was a little confused.

In general though, it's well written and I preferred it to the last chapter. I think I'm growing rather fond of Vathen though I'm still finding it difficult to seperate Jlk and Gyth's personalities. Here are a few minor suggestions -

He smiled and smugly looked out at the perfect stone walls and cell he had just created. [Perhaps 'He smiled smugly and looked...]'

While putting back to its rightful [Maybe 'While replacing the book, he said...'] spot he said, “Well, it’s better than nothing.”

It bent and wriggled. Khor felt the familiar pain in his stomach and a small stream of blood ran down his mouth.

Khor turned on several other lamps that he had placed around the cell.

He stepped [s]down stairs[/s] downstairs and was just in time for diner.

Afterwards spirits began to go off to bed or help with the washing up. [s]cleaning of the dishes[/s].

“So, friend, now would you mind telling us hat happened to you. You gave everyone quite a scare.” [Comma rather than a full stop.] asked Gyth.

“I was going [s]too met[/s] to meet with Jyzeth.

Overall, I liked this chapter quite a lot. I'm curious as to what's going to happen to Khor and worried for Vathen what with the impending attack that may or may not be coming. Keep up the good work!
Writing Gooder

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The light shines brightest in the darkest places.



The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
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