Inconveinent Truths

I wrote this after a disagreement between my friend and I, and I felt really bad about, so i wrote how it all happened. From the first event to the last. I hope i get through to ya!


Inconvenient Truths

Bone through skin connects fingertips to hold pen
To form thoughts and concepts
Through fragile minds
Which the heart pumps the soul
Of my ancestors that
Form out of the ink of my blue pen

Bone through skin connects to fingertips that holds ball
To make the shot that wins the game
The adrenaline I can't explain
Like when Michael Jordan made that jay
That took the Bulls to the playoffs

Bone through skin connect fingertips
That touches palm to make clenched fist
That meets flesh that screams blood
As it is forced onto concrete
In my imagination of my unconscious reality

Fingertips touch cheekbones as skin caresses
Eyelids as they flutter essence to those
Who ignore wisdom from the eyes of a loved one
No one told mind,
That they were wrong
But heart over came hardship

Heart pumps generosity to the brain
That keeps fluids balanced
And shows confident actions to the world
Because then,
Bone, flesh, fingertips
Don't matter because
The mind is not perfect


Blood rush to my cerebellum
As I fall deeper and deeper
Into an unforgiven past

Numbness runs over my body
As I've realized what I've done

Eyes look at hands
Hands begin to shake
Tear glands explode
As shaking hands catch shedded tears
As they fall down frowning cheekbones.
As the numbness of the body is embraced by,
Calming voices

Wind hits flesh,
Voices fly
I confess as the crying subsides
Innocence is shown
But guiltiness is not overcome

The mind wraps around the fact
Of a lost soul that has been forsaken

Forgiveness runs through veins as clarity raises hope
As bone through skin connects fingertips to hold pen
Shares the story of inconvenient truths.

There it is folks.. 1LUV ~W1SE

Oh, hum, well first, punctuation. Please. I think my eyes are going to fall out from that >< Poetry & Punctuation.

Okay, now this may be better with punctuation, but even so it kind of made me cringe--sorry. It felt like a list of things. But usually I see lists of emotions and feelings, instead this was a list of actions that I couldn't visualize or link together. Your redundancy of bone, skin, finger isn't scene as a beautiful thing but as an annoyance that I want to strike out.

When I read a poem I want to be apart of it. I want to feel with all my scenes, I want to be able to see it, I want to act as the characters--all of them--and feel with them. But this was so confusing and hard to imagine that I just had brief gasps of what the heck was going on.

So I'll link you to this, then: Emotional Poetry

And for my last suggestion, I will say, read more poetry. I see you're thirteen, so you're probably new to all this. The best way to learn how to write poetry [or anything, really] is to read poetry. So go pull some books of your library shelf, your book store, or anywhere, and read. Read poems on here by Incandescence, Fand, Caligulas_launderette, the best poets of the site in my opinion. Read lots of poems on here, read the critiques and see what people think of them. Take in as much as you can about poetry, and learn from it.

Hope this helps.

thanks for the honesty! i really do appreciate it.

alright cool, i'll most definately look into what you said.