Hurt deep down

So. New to poetry?

Take it out of italics and punctuate it (Poetry & Punctuation).

This was real Navel Gazing. I couldn't feel anything, and you were just absorbed in you, you, you. This was also like a grocery list of things and feelings. You're just telling us about stuff, why not show us?

It's like fiction, we have to care about the character to care about what is happening to the character.

Try writing about a specific event that reflects the emotions best, too. Writing about a scene rather than listing things helps people to get into it.

Lastly, as a general poetry note: You seem new, so read more poetry! That's the best way to learn. Fand, Caligulas_launderette, and Incandescence are all very, very good poets. The best on this site.

Hope I helped.

My first suggestion is that you go and read other people's work and leave them a critique. This should help solve two problems -

1. We have a general rule on this site that you critique someone's work before posting your own and you seem to have posted three of your own pieces already.

2. Like Claudette says, reading a range of poetry can help you improve your style.

Anyway, as for the actual piece, the structure needs work. Don't use italics, don't leave two lines between each stanza and punctuate it. Add some imagery too so that it feels poetic. At the moment you could remove the line breaks and it would make sense. It would look like a short letter to someone and there's a big difference between that and a poem. Look at your theme and try to come up with something a little more unique. Also, try to avoid using abreviations such as 'cause' because they're a touch too colloquial.

Other than that, listen to Claudette. She's very good at helping people improve their work.

Clau: Gee, thanks! ^^ You're making me blush.

Bambie: I don't know about Clau's statement that I'm one of the best poets on here, but we certainly do have a very strong group of poets; reading more can do nothing but strengthen your own writing! And don't limit it to the site; one of the best poetry books around is The Oxford Book of American Poetry (and its British counterpart). If you can find them at the library, definitely check them out and immerse yourself in the genius.

As to your poem: the italics are way, way too much. You're trying to draw our attention to the poem, right? You shouldn't need to rely on formatting to do that. It should be your message and your words that keep us interested. That, however, you've failed at abysmally.

Take this line--

I feel i'm confused
like i thought i loved you
but now i don't know.

...Oh dear. First of all, it's far too passive and ambivalent. You "feel" that you're confused? It's much stronger to simply say, "I'm confused" than it is to say, "I feel I'm confused." The next line suffers from the same problem. Your narrator is too timid, too meek to even state her problem with any certainty! How is the reader supposed to identify with someone that weak?

The reader wants images; colors, sounds, sensations, smells, tastes, the whole gamut. Your poem was nothing but an italicized exercise in mashed-potato navel-gazing (in other words, it was bland to an extreme). And while mashed potatos are good every once in a while, they have no place in poetry.

On other notes:

- Punctuation is your friend. It tells the reader how the poem is to be read, where to pause and when to just keep reading and going faster and faster so that impetus builds up--and where to stop. Therefore, it also imbues poetry with much of its emotion. ^~

- Please capitalise the letters that should be capitalised (like "i," unless you're going for a cummingsesque style, in which case ALL "i"s should be lower case).

- Only one line between stanzas.

- No italics!

If you have any questions or want any critiques or advice, feel free to PM me. ^^

Mmkay, so capitilize the i's in here. As far as the way the lines were arranged in this and the flow of it, kind of awkward. Punctuation would help and rearranging this and whatnot...And yeah, basically listen to the advice everyone else is offering- they've said everything and given some excellent advice!