Until Her Day (Twenty-one)

O man, I'm drowning in the trauma of requited love here.

[/sarcasm]

royboy wrote:Evie celebrated her twenty-first birthday staying sober as ever.

Change that to, by staying as sober as ever.

roya wrote:Emily's parents were not so enthused about the prospect of marrying off their daughter so soon.

Nix the first so.

I don't think there was anything else noteworthy. Very good, this, and you showed Evie's emotions well.

Awwww. *sniff sniff*

Excuse me while I sob into my kerchief. WAAAAHHAAAA!!

Hem...good chapter! I hope that wasn't the end. You have to let her meet up with a completely awesome guy, like hit him with a bike or run into him in a store or something, and have a happily-ever-after ending! *rambles* sorry.

The mirror flew out with the sudden movement of the door and slammed back against the door.

That one didn't make sense. You also repeat 'door' but the sentence is just confusing. I'm not even sure what you're trying to say.

Even with Anna telling her she should lighten up and dance every ten minutes, she still felt like it was due to her she was wearing a bridesmaid's dress and not a bride's.

This is a little obscure. What do you mean 'due to her?' due to who? Anna or Evie? Specify, specify, clarify, clarify.

Also, I forget where, but you said 'Evie slapped on her most sincere face' - I think 'slapped' is an awkward word there. It kind of jars. At first I thought you had just randomly had Evie slap the brunette. Or herself.

Anyway, good! Keep it coming, and have her meet a nice guy and fall in love! (whatever you do, please don't let her have an affair with Jack. That would ruin my day.)

Yours truly,

Thats so sad, poor Evie. But like Sokool15 said, please, please do not make her have an affair with Jack. Thats just not cool.

I liked it a lot. Keep Posting

Oh, jeezie, you guys. WHY would I do that? Anyway, thanks for the imput. I've gone back to fix it up. I'm only on because I have an extra few minutes at the end of my computer class, so don't start expecting stuff. The first thing I'm doing when I'm getting home (in four more days) is passing out on my bed for a few hours and getting some peaceful no-squeaking-beds and non-muttering sleep... if that made any sense. THEN I'm going to transfer everything from my journal to the web. That should make you guys happy, eh?

~Roya