Confused

Maybe I'm not clear to myself.
Maybe I don't want to be.
Am I'm not clear to you?

Just tell me the truth
maybe I'm not the girl for you
but maybe.....
Maybe its you

Hi again!

I quite liked this one but it was a little short and you could make some improvements. That second line should be want rather than 'wan' and try not to use maybe too often. Here's a few changes I would make -

Maybe I'm not clear to myself.
Perhaps I don't want to be.
Am I not clear to you?

Just tell me the truth.
Am I not the girl for you?
Perhaps not but maybe...
Maybe it's you.

Just a few suggestions and other than that, add a bit more to it. Expand on who the other person is and the possible flaws that he and the persona might have. Use some more imagery and try to make the emotions stronger. Let me know if you make any changes,

luv Heather xx

This is short so it's hard to critique, which probably explains why I'm the second.

This shouldn't be in Romantic Fiction, it should be in a Poetry forum. Also there's a typo in the second line

Okay! Hi...I had some problems with this...

First, comma's are you're friend. I see none.

Second, this isn't fiction, it's poetry, with poetic prose at the end.

It was too short, didn't say much, and didn't interest me. Try making it longer, add some depth, characters. That is if it's fiction, if it's poetry, I have no idea. I'll admit, I'm no poet by any standards.

Pretty words though.

Good luck!
-JC

It's good. but it's a little short. try add some more to it. and i think you are in the the wrong section.

I'm very confused..

JC hit the nail on the head; this isn't fiction. Should I move it? I don't know your intention.

There just isn't enough to this to make anything out of it. What feelings are you trying to express? What should I think?

I really don't know what to say. It's just odd. Poem or fiction, I struggle to critique it.

This sounds really interesting, but to get something from it it needs to be longer, I think. I like what you are trying to get it, though. I think you should expand it!

~Mateeah

Hey, Max!

All right, this is really interesting.

First, as everyone has pointed out, this is poetry. But if you add a story to this, I think you have a very intresting intro.

Are you going to make a story of this?? Is that why you have it in Romantic Fiction??

Well, I hope you have something up your sleeve...otherwise, in the wrong forum.

Now, for the actual poem....

It was good, I suppose. Too short for me. You are telling a story and I like the last two lines. Very powerful. But add more to that before it and use more emotions in it.

Well, hope this helps!

This is definitely poetry. Romantic poetry. *bats eyelashes*

Grammar:
I say that the first period should actually be a semi-colon. "But" and "maybe" need to be capitalized as I assume you are going for the the-first-word-of-every-line-is-capitalized approach. Only three periods for the elipsis (...) in the second to last line.

And, uhm, that's about it.



Sorry, but I can't critique the actual literature unless it's absolutely horrible. But yours isn't, so all is good.

wow, that was short, I think this is not fiction
Its poetry. I liked it, it isn't my favorite tough
some advice:
Remember to use coma's
you should expand it...it was too short, but I liked it
If you happen to correct it...remember its no fiction but poetry, so put it in the poetry section
Just a few thoughts