Reunion

Wrote this with memories of a visit from my grandfather, and my high school class as a whole.


Reunion

A woman casually apart,
Half sleeping with her stockings gone
Reliving evening made like art,
Her high school boyfriend there to fawn
And neither questions anything,
Not even his gold wedding ring
Another fragment sitting there
Decaying in the summer air
And who’s to say what’s fair is fair?
It's only then and for one night.

They didn’t talk, but stared afire
And spoke with others wand’ring by.
Paused till others chose to retire
So not a soul was there to spy.
No one there to say that’s she’s
still lying with her memories;
Her after high school all alone,
still speaking in a high school tone.
Her high school boyfriend lying prone
only then and for one night.

Reliving long dead friendships now,
The ones the others soon forget,
Till night remembers to allow
The artful evening to set.
And when it comes and when they’re leaving
Their short lived life of death is grieving.
Now they laugh and then they cry,
And then they give it one last try
To grab hold of time that’s slipping by
And only then and for one night.

Before the fates have had enough,
She thinks of things these things beget
And now and then she’ll pause to puff
On marijuana cigarette.
She reaches back to touch the man
Who missed his chance to ask her hand,
Remembers what she wants to hear,
She draws back and sheds a tear.
For everything she once held dear
Is only then and never again,
Only then and for one night.

I really like this a lot. At some points I'm not really sure what it's about, but that's probably just me having a thick skull, yay. There was really only one line that I wasn't sure about:

Rigel wrote:Till night remembers to allow
The artful evening to set

The second line, syllable-wise, is really short, and I feel it's out of rhythm with the rest of the poem, especially if you read those couple of lines out loud.

Other than that, you have some interesting imagery here, very nice. A question that you don't have to answer - where is the influence of your Grandfather here? What exactly is it about him that inspired this piece? I didn't read anything that I would particularly relate to a traditional grandfatherly-ish theme. Just curious, if it's personal you don't have to share.

He got a bachelors degree from brown university and talks about it like he graduated a little while ago and still has his whole life ahead of him. He calls it the best years of his life, which is a true statement, since he really didn't do anything significant after that. I was trying to give off the same aura of a different life after school.

Oh, and I was thinking of "evening" as having three syllables in that line. Like even-ing.

Hm. I started reading it, but then I couldn't finish it I'm so difficult.

Punctuate it. Usually I can read and make it through the lack of punctuation, but the length of this makes it hard, and I know that with punctuation, this poem would do so much better. This might help you: Poetry & Punctuation.

Also, the rhyme scheme was...well, nonexistent. I followed the pattern and it didn't exist. If you rhyme, please, have a pattern, and keep it up. Either rhyme, or don't rhyme. It doesn't work any other way.

I'd love to read it again when you punctuate and be able to give more advice than this ^^

I like complex rhyme schemes...

Its:
ABABCCDDD
and the last line is repeated in every stanza.

I really liked this, your rhyme scheme is original and I saw the pattern practically straight away but then I've been known to experiment with many a strange structure so half my brain is always looking out for them if you know what I mean. Anyway, I love what you have here but the rhythm is a little rough and some of the words need a little work. Here are some specific suggestions, hope you find them helpful -

Reunion

A woman casually apart, [This line has eight syllables but the word 'casually' doesn't quite fit the flow of the rest of the stanza. Perhaps 'A woman lays in bed apart,
Half sleeping with her stockings gone;
Reliving evening made like art, [This doesn't really make sense. I think you've tried too hard to mould the line to your rhyme and rhythm so that it's lost the original meaning, whatever that might have been. I suppose I can't really suggest anything without knowing what you was trying to say...sorry.]
Her high school boyfriend there to fawn
And neither questions anything,
Not even his gold wedding ring [How about 'But she sees his gold wedding ring;
Another fragment sitting there,
Decaying in the summer air
And who’s to say what’s fair is fair?
It's only then and for one night.

They didn’t talk, but stared afire
And spoke with others wand’ring by. [There are people wandering past? Are they in a hospital? You don't make the setting too clear. Also, I hate the colloquial feel of wand'ring. Why not just change it to strolling or walking or passing. Then it fits the flow without the need to create a new word.]
Paused till others chose to retire [I'd change this to 'Waited for these few to retire'
So not a soul was there to spy.
No one there to say that she’s
still lying with her memories;

None of my mumblings are making sense are they? How about this. Here's the changes I would make, use or don't use them as you like and if you want to hear my reasoning behind each one, contact me...

Reunion

A woman lays in bed apart,
Half sleeping with her stockings gone;
Reviewing life with heavy heart,
Her high school boyfriend there to fawn
And neither questions anything,
Though she does see his wedding ring;
Another fragment sitting there,
Decaying in the summer air
And who’s to say what’s fair is fair?
It's only then and for one night.

They don't talk, not to each other,
But speak with people passing by,
They wait for others to to retire
So not a soul is there to spy.
No one left there to say that she’s
still living by her memories;
Her later years spent all alone,
still speaking in a high school tone,
But now her high school love lies prone,
only then and for one night.

Reliving long dead friendships now,
The ones the others soon forget,
Till night remembers to allow
The artful, twilight eve to set.
When it comes, the time for leaving,
Both their hearts are filled with grieving.
Now they laugh and then they cry,
And then they give it one last try
To grasp the time that's slipping by
And only then and for one night.

Before the fates have had enough,
She thinks of things these things beget
And now and then she’ll pause to puff
On marijuana cigarette.
She reaches back to touch the man
Who missed his chance to ask her hand,
Remembers what she wants to hear,
She draws back and she sheds a tear.
For everything she once held dear
Is only then and never again,
Only then and for one night.

I like complex rhyme schemes...

Its:
ABABCCDDD
and the last line is repeated in every stanza.

Forgive me? I hadn't picked up on the rather complex rhyme scheme. I'm used to the simpler ones.