Person Driven Life

Everything doesn't have to be worthless
Your broken heart can heal
Everything has a purpose
Don't live by what you feel

We are alike in our weakness
And no one is always right
But turn your eyes to heaven
And God will give you sight

You can't do it on your own
Don't even go and try
Fall back into his wings
And He will make you fly

I like the message behind the poem but I feel like it is a message that has been told in so many different ways, and so many times, that it is meaningless to hear it once more, from a new source. If you had made it your own [I think the message it's self is hard to make one's own] it might have been better.

I think the rhyming is forced in places, like the line, "Don't live by what you feel." It fits in the poem, but then again, it doesn't. It's just a sentence that rhymes with the rest. Overall, that line just came off as out of place.

Also, punctuation, please ^_~

You know what, this is a really cliched poem, but I actually liked it! You've got a great, heartwarming topic here, but I think your problem is that you wrote about it generally. If you could take a specific instance that illustrates this message, and then write a poem about it, I think it might be even better received. I liked your rhyming scheme (although the line Clau pointed out didn't seem to quite fit), especially in the last stanza.

Nice job!

I have to agree that the line 'don't live by what you feel' doesn't really fit. In fact, it's sort of in contrast to the message. I'd have thought that living by what you feel is exactly what we should do because don't Christians say they feel God in their heart? Sorry. I'm a little rusty where religion is concerned but I recall being told something along those lines...

Other than that, your first line is a little long and you have the repetition of everything so how about 'Life doesn't have to be worthless...' Just a suggestion but I think it would help the general flow. Then you need to punctuate this and perhaps check the rhythm of a few other lines and it is a touch cliche but it's a sweet little poem and who didn't use cliche topics at the age of thirteen? I don't know about others but I sure did. Here's the changes I would make, use or don't use them as you wish -

Life doesn't have to be worthless -
Your broken heart can heal.
Everything has a purpose;
Don't live by what you feel. [If you decide to change this line and you want to keep the rhyme, you could change the second to 'Your broken heart can mend.' and that might be easier to work with.]

We are alike in our weakness -
No one is always right.
But turn your eyes to heaven
And God will give you sight.

You can't do it on your own. [You change to you here. Perhaps keep it as we for the sake of staying consistent.]
Don't even go and try.
Fall back into his wings
And He will make you fly.

Thanks guys poetry is not really my thing so thanks for the help.

I liked this, but I thought that the flow was a little slow and didn't make me want to read the rest, although I did.

The rhymes were god and I can actually imagine this being a part of a song.

Good work..

Hey Wesley

I agree. This poem, while heartwarming, needs a specific instance to make it really good. The cliche is overwhelming and, to be honest, the poem is pretty boring. But you can spice it up with a little bit of difference. Make it about a specific person praying or something, thinking these things or telling themselves this to help themselves through something difficult in their life. Work on it. This has potential.

It's hard to bash something with the good old g-word in it, but I agree with everyone else. Inspirational words are pointless if we don't know what we're being inspired to do.