Too High to Land

Goodness, it has been forever since I posted a poem. I apologize in advance; it has been a long time.

Too High to Land

Green shadows fly high above the vast distance.
The snow clothes the lenses of winter’s sight.
Reaching for dawn, the night song’s resistance
cries to the moon in its desperate plight.

I wait in the mist for love to come,
yet in my strength, I cannot stand.
My frailty bared, what will I become
now that I have flown too high to land?

~

Does the end need more imagery?

it seemed to lack much in the way of emotives; that is, it didn't make me feel what you felt when you wrote it.

And when I first read it, a stumbled a bit on the first 3 lines... not sure why, looking back.

But yes, try to make the reader share in your emotions; not just witness them.
~Ed

In entire agreement with Whence.

It lacked emotions/I felt nothing. Poems about emotions suck, because you have to be really good to write a really good poem about them...

The imagery really didn't catch me. I didn't know what it was about until the word "love".

Honestly, do you want my opinion? (And I know you do! *hugs WD*) Kill the poem, and start over. This just expressed nothing to me, and I'm sure a new one could do better.

Make a list of what you want to express, what you want the reader to feel. Think about what words, imagery, events, actions, colors, everything that you could use to both express and cause the reader to feel this. Then try writing again ^_^

If you have any questions, by all means Dahling, PM me.

I have to agree that the first stanza has a very choppy rhythm and I had to re-read several times. The idea behind this is interesting but your imagery and vocabulary are both rather weak and it was lacking the emotions. Basically what the others said.

All the "the"s began to bother me after a while. Do you need all of them before the nouns?

I think that this:
"My frailty bared, what will I become
now that I have flown too high to land?"
was the strongest part, and I think that more of the poem should have been focused around this idea. That's what gives something to think about and connect to.

I don't think that the first part really does anything for the rest of the poem. I'd suggest getting rid of it for now and expanding the second half.

"Does the end need more imagery?" No, I think it's fine as it is.