Dad

Is it much to ask,
For normal?

Work all day
And half the night for me,
Wake up an hour earlier,
Get back a little later.

Should I feel guilty
That it is me
Who causes this?
Or should I feel...
Normal?

Going round in circles
Of the Mind,
Thinking backwards, or
Upside-down.
So much and so little
Truth.

In the end,
Although I shouldn’t,
I’ll just say:

“Thanks”.

I liked it, but I think it needs something added to it.

I can only guess at what you were writing about, which disappointed me a little. It was good, but I'm not entirely sure what it was about? Not that it should be obvious, but perhaps I'm saying that you could show it better? I seem to not know what I mean X_X

My only other problem with this is that I couldn't feel anything from it. But, beyond that, it was well written.

Going round in circles
Of the Mind,

I don't like the line "of the mind" it doesn't seem to relate to "Going round in circles", to me, at least.

EDIT: Reading over it, I should be more clear on what I mean about about the meaning. It does make sense to me--I get it. It's just...vague? And the fourth stanza seems out of place. Hope that makes more sense...

I think I get what Claw means (can you ever really be certain with her?).

The subject is touched upon, but you don't provide details to this particular instance. Stick in some imagery; and a metaphor/simile could help.

Read it from a reader's perspective. Try to make us feel what you felt when writing it. I can see what you felt, but I don't feel it myself.

(oh, and piece-flooding is generally frowned upon :p)

"oh, and piece-flooding is generally frowned upon :p" - what flooding?

on second thought, never mind :p

I was under the impression that you posted four Dramatic poems in a day; but it was just some bumps

happy writing
~Ed

Yeah, I'm afraid that's my fault. Well technically Ofour's on the other hand. You see, he got a place in my competition so I critiqued a few of his dramatic poems and therefore bumped them. There again, if I hadn't started the contest...

Yay! Off-topicness is great!

so...anyways...before all of this got just a bit off subject...
i agree with Claudette and Whence. it was all very good, except that i to really didn't understand much of what you were trying to say. now i definitely know that i am not the best writer...so never take anything i say to seriously...unless of course more experienced writers say the same thing, then you might listen. but anyways other than that MUY BIEN!

---Lora

I thought kind of "meh" at the first three stanzas, like it is just a rant-y "why me" kind of poem, but the end redeemed it.

I'm not a fan of the every-line-capitalized form, but that's just me, so I should just bite my tongue ^_^

I liked the way the stanzas and lines were structured-I think that worked well.

However, I'm pretty sure it's "around", not "round", which annoys me no end

The way the lines are set really works for me. It gives the poem a really serious tone and makes it simple yet meaningful so I'll say that it doesn't need much more. Maybe like an added stanza though. I don't know but the whole thing just seemed a little short and in need of something. Something with just a little more feeling. I don't know if that makes since or not. Otherwise I really liked it. Great job on this!

Keep at it!
~Rieda

Not bad. Not bad.

I liked it, but I didn't love it - although I have no words as to why I think it could be better. Sorry I am no help.