Alone

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 61
I am person
I am alone
I am a person
who is alone
alone,
is who I am
freindless,
is why I am alone
weird
is why I am
freindless.
I am weird
is because
I am a writter.
I am not alone
because
I am a writter
because
all writer's
together
alone
am I not!
--------------------------
Is this confusing?
Twilight rocks!
New Moon rules!
Eclispe kicks butt!
In coclusion, Steaphine Meyer is a rocking, ruling, and kick butt authour!
That is the TRUTH!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6235
Reviews 2631
A little and it's rather repetitve. Also, writer is spelt wrong and so is friendless. Let me see... Do you want it to make sense? If you do, here are some suggestions...

I am a person.
I am alone.
I am a person
who is alone.
Alone,
is who I am,
friendless,
is why I am alone.
I am weird,
that's
why I am
friendless.
I am weird
because I write.
But I am not alone
because
I am a writer
because
all writers
stand together
so alone
am I not!
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 32885
Reviews 2058
This had no punctuation, but the biggest problem was that the grammar is just not there. I think kitty covered most of this.

This poem needs some help. First person poems always have the problem of being stuck in themselves. Poetry needs to express, while having the reader feel at the same time.

My guess is you are new to poetry. I suggest you read some, even on the forum. Look at critiques, what is good, what is bad? Read poetry by Fand, incandescences, Firestarter, all there poems are very good. Reading poetry will help you understand what makes a good poem.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




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Gender None specified
Points 8413
Reviews 816
The punctuation is used incorrectly throughout (there are also multiple incorrectly spelled words; make sure you catch as many as you can yourself before posting). For this reason, mostly, it is rather confusing. Kitty pretty much caught it, but if you still need help, feel free to PM me.

Your ending contradicts the beginningt. This has been known to work on occasion, if the middle is developed properly (in prose, it is expected; though prose is not poetry, so maybe this aside isn't too relevent...), but here, the middle just repeats and rambles some. Take Claudette's advice and read some poetry to familiarize youself with structure and such. Still confused? PM me if you have questions. If I can't answer them, I'll find someone who can.

Good luck
-Amelia



I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings