Embers

Embers

Scorching pain
Burning lies
Smoldering thoughts
Set ablaze by emotions

Raining teardrops
Smothering the despondency
Extinguishing the agony within
Leaving only embers

Well. It's an improvement. Still cliched, because you're still working from a cliched base idea. Admittedly, the cliches are more creatively worded and better--altogether, a step up, but still a far cry from what it could be.

Probably my main problem is with how short it is. What you have here is alright, but I think it could be a lot better if it was expanded.

Prokaryote

I like it. It's really short, but the ending leaves me satisfied, if that makes sense.

Punctuation might help this flow better. Commas at the end of the lines, and a period at the end of each stanza would help with the general appearance of the poem, and it would also make it easier to read out loud.

"Agony within" is a little much. I've heard that so many times. Maybe you could use something else?

Jenna

This ones better, you're certainly getting there. The imagery is better and you're still lacking punctuation but any improvement is better than none so keep improving!

I like this one better than the first Embers. It's short, but not curt. I like the vocabulary you chose.

Such as, you said "scorching" instead of "burning" (I'd probably say burning XD).

It creates more imagery. I liked it.

I agree.. It's pretty short. I need more. More imagery and more information about the causes and stuff.

Other than that, I can really quote on anything else as it seems to be done, but eah, I liked the concept and it tended to flow well with a good rhythm.

Mmnh.
What is "pain," really? Elaborate on it. "Scorching pain" doesn't tell us much. Have you ever been burned, or even picked up a bowl of soup or burnt your tongue on your tea? If you're gong to use the metaphor of firey scorching pain, try to find a way to make that physical pain into an emotional one.
Ditto burning lies. What lies? (Also, what thoughts?)

The rain of tears is too cliché. It could be used well, but within the rest of the already clichéd poem, it gets lost and adds to the clichéness.
I also really don't like the line "smothering the despondency," since despondency isn't smothered, it's smothering. Also, the word "despondency" doesn't seem to fit with the tone of the poem - too formal, or something.

The idea of the poem is good, but this isn't great. I think if you tried for a new theme, instead of a new take on an old theme, you'd find it easier to break away from clichés.

It's a great topic, and the words are good, but I think it flows a little funny. I might be biased, though, because I tend to like either completely free verse or a strict pattern.

Set ablaze by emotions

That is perhaps a bit too vague for your purposes. You'd have to lengthen the poem to fix that, so it would change the format of your poem quite a bit, and maybe not for the better.

The poem overall seemed like something I'd read before - not a lot of really original material here. From the fire/ember/smouldering images, to their connection with pain and lies... it's been done.

I do like the way the last two lines sound, however. They're not particularly original, but they just sound nice. Keep writing!