Always Dreaming of You

Always Dreaming of You

Pencil lead to my lips
The only kiss I'll ever get
I am a writer
I am an artist
I am a dreamer
Always dreaming of you
You are my dreams
You are in my art
You are in this poem
You are the only kiss
I've ever wanted
Your lips to mine



Made some changes. A new line break and changed a word. Thanks for all your suggestions!
~Yoyo

I like this poem because it's brief and yet the emotions in it are very strong. The way you begin it was very intriguing to me and made me want to keep reading. However, it did seem to need something more at the ending because it ended kind of abruptly to me, something to wrap it up a wee bit better...all in all, though, this was definitely good!

I think you could have had more imagery but it has an interesting concept and it's quite well written so well done. The other suggestion I'd make is perhaps a little less repetition and perhaps add a few more lines.

I love the first image, of kissing the pencil lead--after that, it really loses steam. The "You permeate my art" bit broke any flow you had going, too, since it rather destroyed the repetition.

The repetition in its own right really didn't do the initial image justice--it was just too bland. Maybe try again, keeping the general gist (which I did like) and that first image?

I like it is ineteresting.

I actually think the ending is good, I liked its abruptness; I didn't think it was that abrupt anyway. It's true, some more imagery would be good, but that would make it longer. *I know, captain of the obvious lol* But in any case, I really like this poem <(^_^)>

This is such a sweet poem. Though, after "Always dreaming of you", it started to lose some meaning and spiral into repetition:

You are my dreams
You permeate my art
You are in this poem
You are the only kiss I've wanted
Your lips to mine

The line "You are in this poem" doesn't seem to add much in general, and sounds as if you couldn't think of anything else to put there.

The last two lines, however, were good, as they referred back to the original meaning. I'd suggest putting a colon after "You are the only kiss I've wanted" to emphasize what follows and show that it isn't meant to be directly linked to what's before it, but rather just an association/continuation. I also have a strong urge to put "...kiss I've ever wanted" in this line, but that's just me.

I ♥ the first line.