Child, Child

I like this poem. It's very straight forward. Though the way the lines are structured makes it read sort of awkward, like the last three lines for instance. The idea is great though. I agree with Gadi, more poetic devices would be wonderful.

Keep it up!
~Rieda

Bella wrote:*this was written right after my best friend and I got in a huge fight and she said a bunch of crap about me for, like, a week straight.*


Child, child, why do you glare?
Why do you sit up there and stare?
Is it because you trusted her
with secrets that you hide;
but when you least expected it
she cut you deep inside?
Remember, little child,
how you called her your friend?
Yet almost every time you looked
she'd stab you once again.

It pains you to remember
all the lies that she did tell.
She wanted you to scream and cry,
she wanted you to yell.
So now you sit upon that wall,
with fire in your eyes,
as you remember painfully
every single,
little,
lie.

Very nice, Bella. So much emotion into this. I really love the rhythm and rhyming you used in this. For the last line, please put "lie" with "little" to maek it one line. Other than that, good job! Keep up the good work!

-Rick.

That was an amazing poem. Very well written and much passion in it.

Nicely done!

-Jade

Very nice

Anyone in the same situation can immediately relate. It's so simple and child-like but so full of emotion...


I'm surprised how well this last bit flows. It fades away so nicely.

as you remember painfully
every single,
little,
lie.

Beautiful work

Peace V
Inky