Past, Goose Hollow, Future

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Last edited by Reyu on Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:53 am, edited 4 times in total.
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

~George Carlin

The Completely Evil Plan.




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I plan to have the next one up later tonight. Also, don't be afraid to chat here :) I appreciate all forms of criticism even the mean stuff.

~Reyu
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

~George Carlin

The Completely Evil Plan.




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My first and only bump.
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

~George Carlin

The Completely Evil Plan.




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*

Hello!

The formatting is pretty off, hard to read in some parts, but I can edit it for you if you like? There are several places where you needed to start a new paragraph and also the beginning sentences were repetitive:

"When throwing a shuriken always aim for the eye balls, genitals, throat or groin. When you decide which area to attack, imagine that spot growing larger... When it's the size of a watermelon throw your weapon visualizing it hitting dead on. When you have training with magic you will understand the need for this visualization. It's a good practice even without magic."


The third sentence could be something like: As it grows to the size of a watermelon ...

He raised his hand into the air and shouted "SANCTIFY!".


Here there is no need for the period.

Off to ruin someone Else's fight no doubt.


‘Else’s’ shouldn’t be capitalised.

One of the bits I didn’t understand was the scene with his mother, was it a vision or real? And why blame his master? Would like to read more.

Myth
.: ₪ :.

'...'




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His master gave him the sword :) Wouldn't you assume it was him? It was NOT a vision.

Anyway, thanks for the input. I will come back later and fix ><
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

~George Carlin

The Completely Evil Plan.



Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.
— Leonardo da Vinci