Samara's poetry thread

hey, here are just a few of my poems. tell me what you think. just a side note though, i don't do a lot of editing on my poems once they're finished. sometimes, but not often. just b/c my poems are an expression of my heart, and even though i know they're not perfect, they're finished in my book. so if i don't take your suggestions all the time please don't be offended. criticize my stories all you want .



Unseen

I’m sorry that I never saw the sadness in your eyes
I guess I should have noticed but I was too preoccupied
And I’m sorry that I never saw you walking all alone
But I was really tired and I was heading straight for home
Yes I saw those blood-red ribbons marking up your skin
But I guess I thought that maybe your cat scratched you again
I never saw you sitting in the back corner of my class
Although I heard the laughter when he tripped you as you passed
I’m sorry that I never saw that painting that you made
The brightly-colored seashore with a boy playing in the waves
I’m sorry I didn’t hear you say that little boy was you
And someday you’d grow up to live beside an ocean view
I’m sorry that I never saw your straight “A” GPA
Or the diligence that went on behind every single grade
I never saw or cared how well you played the violin
I guess I was too afraid they might consider me your friend

I beg forgiveness from the unseen ones, the nameless girls and boys
For mistaking you with empty walls and seeing only voice
Please let me say some sort of spell that will finally make this right
Some great wizard please take away these scales that made me blind
Forgive me for believing that you really didn’t mind
That you wanted to be a faceless kid with tired, empty eyes
And forgive me, I’m admitting now, my blindness was my choice
My indifference made you nameless and my terror stole my voice
So I loose the chains of silence and I speak the wizard’s words
And I pray that in some way my apologies are heard
For I know I cannot take away the pain of what I’ve done
I can’t remove the scare that were not seen by anyone
But I can open up my mouth and offer you my hand
And pray that my spell makes you visible again
Because I know that but for luck and some magic mystery
You may have been the blinded one and I’d have been unseen

Hmm, I wasn't sure if this was supposed to rhyme or not. If it was, the rhymes were a bit stretched. The rhythem is off on some of the lines; there are places where you could combine/delete a few words to make it flow better (ex: "I never saw you [s]sitting[/s] in the [s]back[/s] corner of [s]my[/s] class" where these words give more description, yes, but aren't vital to the overall meaning of the poem; they clutter the line).

Your intentions are good, and I completely understand what you're trying to say, but I wonder if you're too blatant about it; if you're going for social change, you need to give the reader something to think about, something that will bother them and make them think twice in a given situation, instead of simply presenting reality.

written when i was bored in chemistry and desperately counting days until summer.

Sun Therapy

I tilt my head back and allow
A soft sibilant sigh to escape my lips.
The bland blue summer
Burns me with a blushing color
That seeps slowly up my feet, ankles,
Shins, thighs, stomach,
And soaks into my paper pale face.
Purple-black shadows sagging under my eyes
Shrink and disperse,
Fleeing the fire of
Eighty-five degrees.
Sleepless nights laced with stress and futile fears
Float away on the breeze,
Scented with steamy dew and green green green.
I melt into the hot misty morning,
Letting the slime of science, the madness of math
Slip away and slide off me,
As summer heals the soreness and lingering sour taste
Of the long, long
School year.

I really liked it. It was different and it seemed to express the exact emotions of what you were feeling at the time. Keep it up.