Syradrum 8 (Phantom)

chapter name makes andi's brain go:
"the phantommmm of the opera is there
the phantom is there inside my mind"
now that that is out of my system:
critz!
okay.
i'm lost.
i forget what happened so im gonna go back...
last i remember addo was a bitch and he kidnapped myles, allie, and main character.

-the trauntler wouldn't scuttle-- it would fly.
-have coal explain what a phantom is. it's confusing.
i'm not telling you to change this part but i'm just saying: HA. adults are TOTALLY know it alls. ahem: ms. wire.
-explain WHAT addo was doing with the aave when he was pretending to be a meanie.
-when addo says "we're just friends" does he mean him and alex or him and allie?
good job! im interested. i like the romantic element. but answer that question i just asked!

The trauntler WOULd scuttle.... I don't mean to be a retard about it, but he doesn't fly as much as he scuttles/walks around.

And he was refering to him and Alex, is that not clear? *goes back to edit edit edit*

I don't have mrs. wire, but I'll take your word for it. lol.

=D Addo's nice again! hehe. YAY!

You posted! I've missed this, I actually had to go back and read the previous chapters to remember, but seeing as it's all good, there was nothing wrong with that. =D

Once agian, nothing really to crit on here, tell me when you post the next section okay!
-JC

Yay! I finally got around to reading this!

It was very good; I am glad to see Addo and Myles working together - my two favorite characters.

Just a few suggestions:

1. This part was confusing:

"Come on. We have to go," he whispered back. Addo put a finger to his mouth and Myles immediately stopped talking. I shuffled behind my brother and Alli, who was all together glad to escape in the first place.

"Myles, let go," I demanded. Addo spun around and locked my gaze.

"Listen to me. I ran into the Aave and he constructed this whole plan where I worked against you all. I had to go behind your back, but it was the only way I could get you guys back to the city, okay?" he explained, staring me straight in the eye. All my trust flowed out into him, my common sense melting into thoughts of insanity.

I don't understand what prompted Addo to tell Alex this now. I am guessing it has something to do with "Myles, let go.", but I think you should go into a little more detail as to how that affects Addo and why Addo tells her what happened.

2. I am guessing by Alex's actions that she is a little disoriented right now. While I love your first person, I felt you could have portrayed a little more of disorientation in the way she sees things and the things she thinks. Just a suggestion.

3. The part with Alli and Addo is a bit abrupt. I understand that Alli is flighty, but it felt rushed to me. Try expounding a bit more upon it so the reader gets a clearer idea of exactly what is occurring. And, like AndNeverAgain, I wasn't sure who Addo was referring to when he said "We're just friends."

This was really great, Roya! I enjoyed it immensely. Keep writing and posting - I look forward to the next addition. PM me if you need anything.