Grandma

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M.B Author, theronguard, and DarkBeast, Please read this.
**********************************************
Her favorite color was pink,
she loved flowers and smiles,
and cute little winks.
She loved and cared for us,
and we loved her back,
because her love was continuous.
She loved when we were excited,
she hated when we were sad,
but what she really delighted,
was when we were good, not bad.
We loved her so much,
she was the best.
There is no one such
like her.
In memory of her,
please, remember this poem,
she would love it,
of that, I am sure.




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It sounds like an Irish drinking song on crack.

Try revamping your flow. And your WAAY repative with 'love'.

Also, it outright states what happening. Try hinting at it.

It'll allow the reader some room for interpretation.

READ MORE POETRY :D
~Ed
The good parts of a book may be only something a writer is lucky enough to overhear or it may be the wreck of his whole damn life — and one is as good as the other.
Ernest Hemingway




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Well, yes, it's simple. It's a memorial, after all, right? I don't see the need for dancing around the meaning for this type of poem.

True,It's no masterwork, and love was perhaps overused, but it's just flowing with resonance, and for that I applaud you.




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A memorial doesn't have to dance around meaning, but it should have something more in it - an image of what it was really like to be with her, poetic description [which doesn't mean flowery/overly-ornate/hard to understand, but something beyond "she was really nice we loved her"] of her character. What made her your Grandma, the only your grandma you'll ever have, and not somebody else's grandma? Find that specific special thing, and try to write about that.

[also - you've posted a lot of poems - have you commented on any?]




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hello! I think this poem had a good concept. I liked it. Good job and I love your poems btw!

:elephant:
OREGONGIRL




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hey, this is a charming poem...really touching and warm. Grandmas are soo special.
Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic.




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Though this poem wasn't a master piece but it was so touchy, and it definately showed how much you love ur grandma.


Try using some synonyms of love...

Keep writing and posting!

We would love to read more of ur works.:D
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.




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It sounds like an Irish drinking song on crack.
- Nooo it dosen't sound like that atall, what a silly thing to say :?

Anyway, I don't think people can really crit this, it is obviously meaningful to you, and maybe others can relate to it (I sure can) So the way it was written, the wording and such does not really matter. That's my thoughts anyway, I thought it was really cute :)

Meevs
x
Bag.

Got YWS?




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Thanks Lucky. :D It was very sweet and heartfelt. But I have to agree with Meevs, it can't really be critiqued. :? It was kind of childish, and something I would not expect from a 15 year old.
Last edited by theron guard on Mon May 21, 2007 5:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ohhhhhhh YEAH!!!!!!




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I really love this i do, i really do. I perfect idea and i can tell you've realy thought about it to a sense. Although i love. I would say, carry on with it as i'm sure u'll know where those changes need to be made. Aswell as that please note me of anymore of your work, as you ideas, i can tell are only just begging to pour. lol lov the girl_in_pink




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It was sweet Lucky_Duck. Thanks, I know MawMaw would've appreciated it. I did. It was a little short, but that wasn't bad. Thanks. :D

-- M.B.Author
Listen to advice and except discipline so that you
may be wise for the rest of your life
-- Proverbs 19:20




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i liked it a lot.
I thought it had good meaning.
Try making it flow better though.
It would be easier to read and understand that way.




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i liked it, it is one of those poems you just write with emotion. you wrote it for you, so dont change anything. sometimes those are the best ones. the ones from the heart. although the wolves tend to eat them up.
i like it just the way it is. you did a great job. grandma's are special.

kimi



By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
— Winston Churchill