You

wow...i must say..that was very powerful and full of emotion. i coud really feel your anger and hurt FOR your friend. a peice of advice, being less direct and more secritive would add to the feelings of the readers,it would make us think a million things and add to our already built up emotions (however i do the same when i write, somthing i need to work on ). but i must say, on the whole, that was a magnificant peice of work.

TNCowgirl wrote:so i don't know if this is the right catagory but yea here it goes.


You hurt her
The closest person to me
You destroyed her trust
The most precious thing to her
You made her feel that she was nothing
She cried tears that can't be dried
She shook with fear when she heard your footsteps
She winced at your voice not wanting you near
You were supposed to protect her
Not hurt her
You didn’t, instead you touched her
In ways no brother should
She tried to hide it
No matter how hard she tried
To keep it inside
She told me, through tear filled eyes
I swore I’d kill you
I am not supposed to know
I am not allowed to treat you different then before
But that does not mean I don’t
I will pull everything from you I possibly can
Because in my head
You are nothing but dead

wow!
this poem is amazing
im guessing a friend of yours was assulted by her brother and she confides in you and now its all you see when your around him?
this is amazing
iloveit!

Wonderfully written. I could just FEEL the anger and emotion that the narrator had for the brother. I was actually surprised by that. I mean, I was thinking of like a boyfriend, but her brother? Wow. Which makes this poem very nice. The anger the narrator felt towards the brother, it's just so powerful in a very subtle way.

This is a beautiful poem. Thank you so much for sharing it.

I love the emotion that is in this poem. It is very true and very overwhelming. I felt amazed at the emotion the tension. It was very well done.

I loved the structure and the wording. The end was very stron and emotive. I loved it over all.

It was a very suspensful, sorrowful poem that was just amazing. I can't believe so much emotion can be rolled up into one poem, but you made is so good.

Very good, It's interesting, but it does feel like a first attempt.
Try and go over it agaun and try to make it more polished.
The idea feels kind of cliched, try and use you're use of language
beside that well done
keep wring

vera