I turn to you

I turn to you.
I see your face.
I feel your love.
I drift away.

I lose my way.
My brother's gone.
My light is dead.

So, I turn to you.
I feel your love.
I see your teasing smile.
And my light returns.

My brother turns.
His legacy is here with me.

So I turn to you.
I feel your love.
I feel your strength.

I feel so lost.
I feel so scared.

Then you reach out to me
You bring your strength.
You give me comfort.
You give me life.
You bring me joy
You bring me love.
So, I turn to you.
I feel your love for me.

With you I'm free.
With you I'm whole.

I turn to you.
I stay with you.
I see your face.
I feel your strength.

I marry you.
I change my name.
I accept my place at your side.

Forever will I turn to you.
Forever will I see your face.
Forever will I feel your stregth.
Forever will I see your wisdom.
Forever will I feel your love.
Forever will I be with you.

Based off Jaina Solo's experices through out her life.

Hi Alanna! Hey that's one of the class mates names from are you smarter than a 5th grader! oops anyway... I liked this poem. One suggestion I think you have the thinking of stopping every line and ending it...I know that's prob for emphasis but maybe you should end the sentences every few lines. Well good job and keep it up. Just fix the punctuation!

Eh...I didn't quite finish reading this.

Fan fiction is hard enough, but fan fiction poetry?

A doozy, for sure.

Welllll, The opening stanza was cute, in a simplistic sort of way. But after that, everything seemed superfluous. You took lines upon lines to say what could've been said in a few. And while this can be implemented wonderfully in a descriptive piece, this poem wasn't describing much, was it?

I recommend reading around. Oh, and poetry, not Star Wars :p. See what you like about things, how it's used, and then how you could use it yourself.

~Ed

Thanks I do read other stuff but my specialty is Star Wars Fan Fics.
Alanna

The fact that this piece describes a specific story but could apply to many generic romances is definately a downfall. There's a whole specific history and culture behind that story - get into it. Using the Star Wars universe and details about it to describe this story and the emotions that go along with it would be much, much more powerful than these general statements.

Like Ed said: READ. Reading poetry will teach you a lot more about poetry than any critique or any article about writing will. Go see what poets do to make their poems interesting... how are ideas presented? Can you imagine what's happening? How about sensory details -- pay attention to things like imagery, the atmosphere of the poem, the reaction you get. All that is very important.

-B.

This poem is pretty good, but it does seem a bit long-winded, and I couldn't really see what you were trying to say even as I found out. It took a bit of reflection on my part to figure out what you meant, which may or may not be a bad thing. I don't know.
At times I was not sure who the object of the narrator's love was. It almost seemed like the person the narrator married was her brother... which I am fairly certain was not what you meant.
A little clearing up of this might be nice.
Or perhaps I am just dim.
If so, please feel free to disregard what I just said.
Though I do feel that the love perspective was mixed.

Also, as an add-on to the post above: Reading poetry is great, and not to be underestimated. However, another good idea (in addition to reading) would be to write poetry. I don't mean write really seriously, as if you were going to post it on the boards (which would defeat the purpose of this exercise), but I mean that you just write and write and write until you're used to how the writing flows, how to capture imagery and whatnot. As they say, practice makes perfect, especially in the case of a writer.

And please don't think that I'm saying that you write like an amateur, or need to learn the basics of poetry or anything, because I'm not. I'm simply saying that practice never hurt anybody, and even the best writers need to practice.

Good luck!!

Muffin