This Instant

Life changes in an instant,
an ordinary instant.
You'll be eating dinner
and then suddenly your life is bent.

In the midst of life
we are in death.
And when tragedy strikes
you may loose your own breath.

So you hit the books,
for information is control.
And it gives you what you think
Is a handle on life as a whole.

But the past makes its way
back into your head,
"The Broken Man"
was what she said.

When she was three
and he was still 'daddy'.
When she was young
and so was he.

Can't get that image
out of your head.
"She'll leave the table"
the naive doctor said.

Life changes in an instant;
that's what they say.
I still love you more
than one more day.


Based off/inspired by off the book The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

Good poem! Did you write this or did you take it from somewhere? Because at the bottom it say taken from a book title (I forgot the name!) Well anyway good job!

Haha no, I wrote it. But it is based off the book, or 'inspired' rather, I suppose. Thank you.

It was good, and it was thought provoking. It was very good.

And ironically, it hit close to home. And it seemed so real. I appreciate you writing this. I am hoping to heat more. Keep up the good work.

-- M.B.Author

As I was reading this, I kept making mental notes on what to say in a crit. Well, my mind is rather cluttered as it is, so I went with an old fashioned red-penning instead

write me wrote:This Instant

Life changes in an instant,
an ordinary instant.
You'll be eating dinner
and then suddenly--your life is bent.

I like the fact that you used ordinary. And bent was a nice description to use. However, this stanza isn;t the strongest of openings (though it does introduce the idea well) and the '--' seems unnecesary.

write me wrote:In the midst of life
we are in death. where have I heard this before? Somewhere...I'm sure... perhaps it would be more effective if it were in quotes
And when tragedy strikes
you may loose your own breath.

The italicizing of breath didn't seem to...fit.

write me wrote:So you hit the books,
for information is control.
And it gives you what you think
Is a handle on life as a whole.

The last line seemed to have an extra syllable.

write me wrote:But the past makes its way
back into your head,
"The Broken Man"
was what she said.

last 2 lines seemed a syllable short... But this depends on how it's read.

write me wrote:When she was three
and he was still 'daddy'.
When she was young
and so was he.

awkward stanza :O

write me wrote:Can't get that image
out of your head.
"She'll leave the table"
the naive doctor said.

write me wrote:Life changes in an instant;
that's what they say.
I still love you more
than one more day.

Perhaps add a syllable or two to this last line. I think it'll make it seem more conclusive if that makes sense to anyone but me :p

write me wrote:Based off/inspired by off the book The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

[/quote]

There ye go.
Carry on, as will I
~Ed

Whence, thank you for the crit! Mmm I agree with the first stanza not being the best...I had a hard time coming up with an opening that would shout because the book is very, very melodramatic. I also agree that the hyphon shouldn't be there and will take it out.

Now that you say it, I have heard the first two lines in the second stanza before, which is probably why I liked it so much? Haha. I will consider the quotes. However, breath is not italicized in the last line of that??

I actually thought the last line in the third stanza was missing a syllable and needed a comma.

Last line, fourth stanza is most definitely missing one syllable at least, I agree.

I had a problem with the last two lines in the fifth stanza as well, any suggestions?

The last stanza cannot be touched. One of the main theme's of the book focused around the saying "I love you more than one more day" so I left that alone.

Thanks!

I loved this! I can't point out anything wrong, I loved it. full stop.

There we go, I have nothing else to say!

Meevs
xxx