Black and White Movies

Our lives are like
old black and white movies.
Romance seems so real
until you find out it's fake.
You think something will happen
until it takes an unexpected turn.
Leaving you cold and confused
with nothing to say
and all you can do
is watch and wait.

Our lives are like
old black and white movies.
Everything is plain and dull
no color or creativity.
Things never change
until some one decides
to make a difference.
Yet, no one ever does
and you are left with
only black and white.

Our lives are like
old black and white movies.
Everything is fake.
Nothing to do
or even say.
Everything is dull
and black and white.
And nobody chooses
to make a difference.

The repetition of the lines "Our lives are like/old black and white movies." was unbearable and unneeded.

The idea presented: that life is stagnant and nothing new happens. Okay, but what did you do with it? Not a whole lot. Your comparison to black and white movies: you must not be watching good, classic movies because "Everything is plain and dull/no color or creativity. " is nothing like the movies I've seen, and I'm an old movie buff.

Kind of a cliché theme even; someone standing up to make a difference among the nothingness. You didn't speak to me, so I felt nothing.

I suggest:

1. Read poetry. Whether it be out of a book, or on the forum. And if you read it on the forum, also read the critiques (not just the ones that say, "OMG I loved that it was so good!!!!!11111one!!!!") and try and find what made that poem good, what do people like in poetry, and how you can do that in your own poems.

2. When writing a poem, think only (or mostly) of the reader. You are writing for them, not for yourself. As such, make the reader feel, or think. Present them with something new. This is isn't new.

3. Find better subjects to write about...Which isn't exactly fair, because I'm sure a good poet could turn anything into a good poem, but until you've become at least somewhat well with the ways of poetry, write about something that will interest yourself and the reader.

Hope that helped, bonne chance!

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

I absolutely Love your poems! This one was so awesome! Really creative. I really, really cannot wait for more of your poems. Good job.

-- M.B.Author

It was OK Some of the lines were bad and I didn't care for. It needs some work. I'll agree with claudette, study poetry.

TG

L_D,
It was good, don't loose hope. Your poems are always sooooooo good. Please write more! Keep up the good work.

-- M.B.Author

I have three words for this.
W.
O.
W.

This poem blew me away--the message is clear, yet so dark. I really enjoyed the use of repetition. You should keep writing--poetry is your thing.
You should be proud of yourself.

Yup, Yup, It was good! I totaly agree with FUZZHEAD.
W
O
W
Two thumbs up.

-- M.B.Author

Hey

I love your poems! They're always good! Great job and keep it up! btw a little repetitive on the black and white thing but except for that I thought it was awesome

I didn't fully read this, and that tells aginst me, I know, but I have to say that I like black and white movies. Laurel and Hardy just don't work in colour, and what about all those Supermarionation TV shows and Kind Hearts and Coronets and . . . ?

*coughs* Ok, I'll stop. Sorry. The whole idea is a good one, even if the comparaion isnt.

-Twit

Claudette's advice is stellar. The only thing I have to add [besides maybe a bold on read] is to watch out for redundancy/repetition. What could have been an interesting idea was dragged down by the fact that the statements made were kind of obvious and expected, like saying "the sky is blue" or "the grass is green". Obviously, those are extremes -- but something you want to avoid like the plague in poetry.

The goal is to make connections and describe something in a way that the reader goes "hey, I've never thought about it that way before, but she's right".

I agree with Clau and something euclidean here. The "message" here was awfully cliche. Remember, if you want to convey a message through your work, the worst thing you can do is to blurt it out at the end. That's no fun for the rest of us.

As Clau pointed out, a good poet can make a poem out of nearly any subject; you could further develop the idea of a black-and-white film, but in a different way. What I would expect to see in a sophisticated poem is a subtle but meaningful parallel.
The poet would present the film, and then maybe even present something about life, and tie it in to the film. Not by saying, "Look, life is like this movie because nobody makes a difference," of course, but by showing something from the film, perhaps, that tells the speaker something about her life. The point is--I'm not being very clear, sorry!--that making abstract, broad, idealistic connections isn't very fun for the reader. You would much rather watch a movie than be told about it, wouldn't you? The same applies to poetry; you must use your words to create images that tell the story for themselves.

Colleen