lol:
A thick cloud of ash poured into the air. The house that had once stood tall amid the small development had crumpled to the ground, revealing a distressed girl, crying on the streets of New York City. She grabbed her mother’s hand, looking into her emerald eyes, with fear. Her brother, Travis, had rushed over to his father, who was buried with large amounts of wood. He looked at Sarah and embraced her with his bony hands.
“Sarah,” he cried a tear trickling down his cheek. “What are we going to do? Where are we going to go?”
Sarah shook her head, her eyes red and puffy. “I don’t know, Travis. None of the neighbors seem to like us. Our relatives would blame us for the fire and call us arsonists. I’m sorry, Travis but I have a feeling we’re going to be living on the streets for a long time.”
“You’re fourteen,” he said abruptly. “You could get a job!”
“Yeah,” she said. “Fourteen years old. You can’t get a real job until you’re sixteen. The most I could get now is raking leaves for the neighbors. And they never pay much, especially when you’re their enemies.” Sarah reminded him.
“Then what about me?” He said.
“You?” she asked with a hearty laugh. “What makes you think that a fourteen year old couldn’t get a job, but a twelve year old could?”
“I could rake leaves for my friend.”
“That’s all really nice of you, Travis, but—” I replied with a frown on my face.
“But what?” he asked.
“But that’s just not enough for us to live, anywhere.”
“Sarah, I miss them,” he said with an unhappy look on his face. “I really wish Mom and Dad were alive.”
“We all do.” Sarah whispered, clamping his hand. “But look on the bright side. At least we’ve got each other.”
He nodded. “ I love you, Sarah.” He whispered laying his head on her shoulder. She smiled back but panicked when she didn’t see him. She looked down the street and saw a boy her age running down the street, her brother in his arms.
She shouted at him. “Hey! Where are you going with my brother?”
“ Sarah! Don’t run after him! He’s a—”But his words were muffled as the boy and her brother disappeared from sight.
“ Travis!” she cried running down a dark alley. But they were nowhere in sight. And as Sarah camped out in the dark forlorn alley, she had a feeling she’d never see her brother again.
So I'm crit like I promised and I liked it. I don't like whole part though about their neighbors are their enemies...maybe explain that a little bit more as to why they are? Other than that, I have nothing else...
