Tower of Dreams

Escalating giant steps,
Eager to reach the top.
Adventures await,
There's new friends to be made,
Here in the Tower of Dreams.

A miniature heaven
In this gray landscape,
With red, yellow,
Blue, pink, and green.
Who could resist
Climbing the Tower of Dreams?

Slippery slopes
Cages swinging in midair
Enclosed capsules
And bridges that rock
Beneath your feet.

For a short while
It's okay
To forget what lies
Outside our great glass fortress.
As we laugh, talk,
Dance, play, and sing,
Nothing else matters.

Down the chute we go,
As we say goodbye
To new and old friends,
Some we may never see again.
But I don't think we'll ever forget
The time we spent
In this mini-paradise
The Tower of Dreams

hey, me likes, me likes a lot. Can't think of a way to improve it. Love the image of swinging cages...

Reminds me of the Boulevard of Broken Dreams...*cough* green day obsessed...

I think it needs a little fluffing up. It was OK for what it was, but it sounded kind of like something Care Bear-related. So, if you want it to sound a bit older, you might want to go over it a little bit.

'Adventures await,
There's new friends to be made,
Here in the Tower of Dreams.'- yeah, this was a little bit *cough* kindergarten flashback. No offense, lol. Simple mistake. Easy to fix.

I like this. It could do with some more punctuation, though. And maybe if you tied the stanzas together a bit more--they seem slightly unraveled. This is good though, subtle and not screaming cliches.

If this poem is meant for people under the age of 5, then your poem is perfectly shaped and you should disregard everything I've said below. If not, then this needs extreme revision.

niteowl wrote:Escalating giant steps,
Eager to reach the top.
Adventures await,
There's new friends to be made,
Here in the Tower of Dreams.

I swear I have heard such vapid and substanceless lines like this in a toddler's TV show. Dora the Explorer, maybe, I don't know. The point is, the sickeningly-sweet tone of this paragraph makes me queasy because of how scrubbed-clean, sterilized, and thus emotionless it is.

A miniature heaven
In this gray landscape,
With red, yellow,
Blue, pink, and green.
Who could resist
Climbing the Tower of Dreams?

Why is the surrounding landscape gray (I'm assuming this symbolizes morbidity and desolation) and what makes those particular colors stand out over any others? Do they each symbolize something special? If not, then there is no point to laundry-list all of them at once.

Slippery slopes
Cages swinging in midair
Enclosed capsules
And bridges that rock
Beneath your feet.

There is nothing connecting these objects you mentioned besides the fact that they are all frightening. Is that it? If so, then you greatly exaggerated the importance of such a miniscule aspect. Giving it an entire stanza of its own is bad, very bad.

For a short while
It's okay
To forget what lies
Outside our great glass fortress.
As we laugh, talk,
Dance, play, and sing,
Nothing else matters.

Down the chute we go,
As we say goodbye
To new and old friends,
Some we may never see again.
But I don't think we'll ever forget
The time we spent
In this mini-paradise
The Tower of Dreams

This is purely discussion, as if you're sitting us down and talking to us for an hour. Not at all what poetry is supposed to be. There's no inflection of tone throughout the poem, no depth of thought or application of the canyons and hills of the human mindset, no real point, and certainly no imagery. The flow of the poem is unnervingly choppy and I haven't seen a single line here that flows well with another. These all need to be worked on to at least some degree before this poem can even rise to decency.

In addition, is the theme of the poem "Dreams are good!" or "Childhood is good!" or "Ignorance is good!" or maybe "Happiness is good!"? All of these possible themes that I derived from the piece are very simplistic, very superficial.

Once again, if you meant for this poem to be read by small children, then it works well, but if it is supposed to range a wide spectrum, then it is poorly done.

Hope that helped.

I like it for the most part. I think it would be more for little kids then for young adults like are selves.

*is confused*

Um...thanks everyone for your comments, but...this is three and a half years old. I don't care a whole lot for this piece, but I honestly don't care enough to edit it. Was it directed at small children? I honestly don't remember. I think it's a cute little poem about the McDonald's playscape (yes, that was my inspiration, try not to laugh) and that's about all it's meant to be. Hopefully you can check out some of my more recent works and see how I've improved.