up alleys city never saw cold

up alleys city never saw cold
...are anna and boy crushing words and noses
and losing forever more by the minute
.......;..yes
...anna and bedsheets and carbon and decay
and father and mother and friend say
she fell to fall
..--acies, she
....................wept to rust.

very cummings-esque - and in the phrasing, which is very nice. I enjoyed reading this a lot. it works as a small poem but the second half could be expanded a bit -- it feels like there should be more between "decay" and "she wept to rust". Not much. Maybe just another line or two. But that was the impression I got, that there were a few lines missing.

I rather enjoyed this one.

It flowed well, and was certainly Cummings in heart. The images were well-used, as was the particular form. Good job.

To be absolutely honest, I hated the style. It was seriously overly distracting and I have no idea what the poem even said because I was concerned with the style and the punctuation the whole time?? I like odd styles, but if you are going to go odd I'd say go really odd, not just a little...otherwise it kind of seems to just get in the way. In my opinion, anyway...


Happy Editing,
WM