the troubles ashore

Everyone went ashore
I stayed behind
Watching
The troubles
I saw them grow
Bigger and bigger each day
The lies
The sadness
It’s gripping everyone
It takes there lives away
There happiness is gone in the dust


Who will bring it back
Will the happiness restore itself
Or will sadness take over
The deceit
The burdens
The cries for help
Who will save us
No one other than ourselves
We put ourselves in this mess
So let’s dig ourselves out

"their" not "there"

i think this works, but the cheapens the effect somewhat.

Punctuation would be nice here. It's ok (except for the smileys), but the single line words are weak and don't add much. I like the last line, but the rest of the poem kind of mumbled along until then. I'd like some clarity hear, a better sense of what you're trying to say. Maybe use some images?

This is ok, work at it, thats all i can say really.....

Sorry that was pretty useless

Meevs
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