(Not) My Prayer

I sit and kneel and
Pray with arms held in
Reverence. Church-learned
Creeds spew forth unbidden
Hiding real, beseeching
Angry words. Only after is
There time for me to speak
Without the clouds of
Pre-formed apologies
Hiding sorrow in recital.
Then I pray, for me,
Others, happiness and
Yet know my faith to
Be false and blind.
My prayer, possession
Emphasised, is silence
In the brain, just a
Pause, wait for that
Eternal, mystical reply
Which cannot be heard
But is there just the
Same.

Hmm...Ok i think I like this, I'm just going to rea it again...


Yeah i like it But, its a prayer yes? I still don't really get it though, unless there really isn't something to not get and i am actually missing the whole point of this...but hey.

As for the actual poetry and style its good, your writing is obviously mature, and this really does reflect that.

Pre-formed apologies
Hiding sorrow in recital.

Especially liked that bit. In all honesty I'm not sure what makes me like this, just something about it i guess. It isn't particulary emotional, but its a prayer so I guess it dosen't really have to.

Wow...a very mixed crit there!

Meevs
x

I liked the content but the overlapping lines was a bit disconcerting. It flowed really well because of it but it came across as a bit prose like, because most of the lines overlapped some of it read like one long sentence.

I think though, with your short line rhythm that it would be impossible to stop the lines running onto each other and still make any sense at all, so to contradict myself I do think that the overlapping lines are good for the structure that you've chosen to employ.

I like the way that you start a new line with a single word, followed by a comma. I think it effectively slows the poem down and emphasis what you are saying.

Nice piece, I like it and, I think I get the gist of what you are saying, but I'm not too sure. Something along the lines of false religion, real religion and God? Please correct me if I'm wrong.

"It isn't particulary emotional" - whoops, guess I didn't write it well enough then.

"Something along the lines of false religion, real religion and God?" - now here's where I get all wierd. Whatever you think it is, it is. Whatever message you pick up from it I'm fine with, so it's up to you to work out what you think it's about.

Hmm, isn't that like finding a satsuma in your dressing gown pocket? Shouldn't it have a defined meaning? I prefer poems not to be too ambiguous. But, that's just me!

To me it's not ambiguous and it has a defined meaning. In fact, I see no ambiguity here at all. I think that Mad meant he could not decifer the actual meaning, not that he was confused with which meaning, if you see what I mean.

I tried to say that it doesn't matter to me what you pick up from this poem, which will probably be different from what I intended although this does not matter.

I really like the way this flowed. At first I was concerned becuase the way the lines were set out. But after reading this about four times I felt a really nice rhythmic pattern. And the meaning is also very nice, I like how it has to do with the religious faith, and yet :

Yet know my faith to
Be false and blind.

*Hmm, very interesting. I like the mixture here. And the lines are short yet very detailed, I like that in poems. My favoite part was this :

My prayer, possession
Emphasised, is silence
In the brain, just a
Pause, wait for that
Eternal, mystical reply
Which cannot be heard
But is there just the
Same.

*This just flows the best for me I think. Plus, you have such a different set out here that no matter which way I read it each time, it still had that rhythmic pattern attached. It was never sloppy nor all over the place. Very straight forward and to the point and in a great poetry form. Great job on this!

Keep it up!
~Rieda

I really liked this poem, Ofour. In order to make it flow better, though, I'd highly suggest not capitalizing every line, if at all. It would make it seem more raw, more emotional. Not sure why, but I just think it would.