Vampiress

Vampiress

Bitterly gorgeous rose petals scream
sweet, sordid symphonies.

Delirious ethereal beings
rise up and restlessly seek eternity.

A delicate knife in the mist,
they rip through time,
leaving behind bloodlust
and shadows of beauty.

Death Goddess whispering her power
putting all lies away.

Truth soars on forever,
giving all freedom.


It didn't start out as one, but I figured out that this poem is about vampires. *shrug* They must be running loose in my subconcious again.
~Yoha

This poem is awesome. It has great discription words and it sucks the reader in. The only thing that got me was that I had no idea what the actual story was about, or what the poems was trying to bring across. But I was too lost in the words to really care.
Great poem, I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Keep up the good work, and work on portraying the underlying story a little more clearly,
Wild

You just made my dad... *Hugs you*

It was funny that wildlove100% said "...great description words and it sucks the reader in." Vampires, geddit?

I loved it, it was short, sweet, and bloody, just how I like my poems before going to bed at 1 AM on a school night...

My favorite part was the poem

I think that the alliteration you use in the first stanza is really effective. It's a good way of bringing the reader in and it grabs their attention.

The second stanza is also really good, theres something in there which makes it very easy to read and gives the words more potentcy. Sibilance, maybe? I'm not quite sure - it could just be the word choice.

A delicate knife in the mist,
they rip through time,
leaving behind bloodlust
and shadows of beauty.

I like the general ambiguity of the poem but I'm not quite sure about "they" in the second line. It's knife singular, isn't it? The way it reads now I'm left thinking about people tearing through time. Which it could well be, I'm not really sure.

Death Goddess whispering her power
putting all lies away.

The first line doesn't read well, it's hard to make sense of.


Just a little thing:

Bitterly gorgeous rose petals scream
sweet, sordid symphonies.

Your missing a comma in there.

Vampires, huh? Nice poem

Hey, thanks guys! I didn't think it would be so successful. I fixed the comma. Don't know how I missed that. Thank you so much though! ^_^

~Yoyo