Werewolf story

The light of the pale yellow moon shone high in the sky, reflecting off of the guards’ armor as they stood like statues on the stone wall.

“Aye, it’s a full moon tonight. Be on the watch.” one of the guards hollered to his fellow mates on the wall. A few paces away stood the forest of Dlargith, dark, and sinister.

“Ay, what of the right side? I ‘erd something over in that direction.” a guard spoke, breaking the silence. None of the others spoke. “What, no one else ‘erd it?” the guards armor glinted in the night as he turned to look where he heard the noise. Something rustled in the branches of the trees as he stared unblinkingly. A howl drifted through the wind standing hair on end, as a sharp wind lashed out with claws of steel. The guards shivered.

“Keep close watch now, they are near.” One of the older guards said as he unsheathed his sword. The others followed suite. Clawing and snarling was heard below the wall, but it soon stopped and silence once again surrounded the night. The guards stood back slightly waiting for more noise, there was none.

“Send someone down to the gate.” one of the men whispered.

“That would be like sending one to his death!” another responded. Suddenly a claw was seen at the edge of the wall, and soon two silver ears. A creature half wolf and half man clawed its way over the wall growling and snarling. It stood perfectly still eyeing the soldier in front of it; its two beady eyes seemed as if they would burn a hole through the man. The creature snorted and howled a long fearful note that all the guards feared. This was the only note they knew of in the creature’s language but they knew it meant death.

“Run!” A soldier yelled as he stood up and swiped at the fearsome creature. The wolf man bared its teeth at the man and pounced on him. The guard’s screams filled the air as the soldiers scrambled to attack the monster. But before they could attack, more of the same creatures began to climb their way up the wall.

“Kill them! They must not reach the castle!” The captain of the guards shouted. He stopped by a man who had been paralyzed of fear.
“Run man, run to the castle and yell for re-enforcements, we are being attacked!” The guard got up and ran straight for the castle with a burst of speed. The captain turned his attention to his men and fighting, but he was out of luck, he was the only man left standing, not one of the creatures had been killed.

“Come and get me!” he screamed at the wolf-men. One turned to him a howled. Slowly it walked up to him and put its cold nose by his face. The captain stumbled backwards away from the wolf man, but the creature just followed. It loomed over the man as blood dripped from its jaws. The creature’s claws gleamed bright silver as it raised them, it swiped at the captain. Nothing was heard, only the soft thump of the captain’s body as it fell limply to the stone ground.


(this is a little sumthing i wasn't sure if i wanted to continue. If you hve any ideas, or if you think i should keep writing this...please say so.)

“Aye, it’s a full moon tonight."

This feels more like you're telling the reader than the guard. Either mention it in the narrative or say it after the warning.

By the way, nice bit use of unconventional english with 'erd.

...as a sharp wind lashed out with claws of steel.

Nice, both gives a really good impression of the wind and a grim foreshadowing.

Suddenly a claw was seen at the edge of the wall, and soon two silver ears.

Sorry if I'm raining on your parade, but claws on stone is really hard to keep quite, especially if these werewolves are rather bestial. Especially after the guy had heard something in the forest. It just seems like a logic gap.

In your werewolf introduction, it seems that all the guards are standing there motionless in fear for several seconds. i'd say around ten seconds motionless, doing absolutely nothing. This would be fine, if you didn't then have the brave commander stand up to them. Just where is his bravery when the thing first showed up hmm? By the way, just how far away is the werewolf when he clears the wall. I got the impression it was fairly close. As in, with throat exposed in a howl a (potentially foolhardy) soldier is going to try to strike.

“Come and get me!” he screamed at the wolf-men.

After this brave call, he puts up absolutely no fight. I mean, absolutely none whatsoever. And the thing walked up to him slowly as well. He simply stands there as one gets right in his face, not even swinging his blade. Then the werewolf just kills him. Seems rather anti-climatic after that battle cry. Unless he was suicidal.

While I have my own little grudge about werewolves being evil beasts, I won't hold that against your piece.

Well, as to continuence, this peice if anything is either a grim short story, a short story with an epic hero, or a prologue. If you've got the material for more and you like this bit, then go ahead and see where it takes you. That's part of the fun and learning of writing; experimentation. This is an okay little piece, not getting bogged down in details as many writers can (including yours truly), though at the moment it doesn't seem all that original. But it is short. There's not much more I can say. Enjoy your writing, whatever it is that your writing.

brix_strat wrote:
as a sharp wind lashed out with claws of steel. .)

I liked the imagery alot. But it could be more coherhent. I have trouble with coherhence often myself, overall it is a good idea but not executed too well. I got comletly lost as to what the guards were doing towards the end. (then again i was not as focused as possible) I am hoping for a sequel.

Interesting. I second all the comments that have already been given. If you mean this to be the beginning of a story, I think we could use a little more setting-description and perhaps a bit of exposition before the attack. Nothing major - even a few sentences of the captain climbing up to meet his men would be fine. Ease the reader into the story and THEN bash them over the head. Then they will be too intrigued to know what you just did to them. (and I am also curious as to what the werewolves might do if they do reach the castle...hmmm)

In fact, more description in general would be good. You describe actions very well, but I get next to no feel for what this place looks like or where I am. You don't massive paragraphs; a few sentences of description here and there should do the trick. Also, stronger verbs would do you good. Think about exactly HOW your characters are saying what they do, and use powerful verbs to get that across without too many adverbs.

Besides that and a little more elaboration on some events like Roaming Shadow suggested, there were just a few nitpicky things I want to point out.

“Ay, what of the right side? I ‘erd something over in that direction.” a guard spoke, breaking the silence. None of the others spoke. “What, no one else ‘erd it?” the guards armor glinted in the night

should be guard's or guards's depending on whether you want it to be plural or singular.

Keep close watch now, they are near.” One of the older guards said as he unsheathed his sword. The others followed suite.

followed in suit, not suite

The creature snorted and howled a long fearful note that all the guards feared.

well, if it's a fearful note, it is rather obvious that the guards fear it, no?

Nicely done here and I hope to see more of this if you continue it! Keep writing and PM me if you need anything clarified or anything of that sort. Hope to see you around. Toodles!

Woo! Werewolves are cool! And they're Royal as well! *cough* Well, anyway...

Good beginning!

Thank you everyone. I will definately think about the stuff you have said, and also I will change what you suggested. It helps alot. *nods* thank you again.