Teenagers These Days

"Oh my friggin God, Katie is such a whore."
We were at Rachel's birthday party and i had just entered into a conversation with Morgan and Bridget.
"What did she do?" I asked.
"Well she told Bridget she needed to lose weight" replied Morgan.
"Yeah and she didn't say it in a nice way either, she was all like 'you're fat'" whined Bridget.
"she shouldn't talk, shes like fat herself. And what a freakin delusional bitch. You know what she said? She said that she needs to gain weight when she already has a pot belly practically." I agreed.
This encouraged Morgan, "See, even Chelsey agrees! And earlier she was like 'Morgan has no boobs to hang out' Shes such a freakin spoiled brat...Just cause she's adopted her parents give her everything."
"Yeah she is always trying to show off her boobs."
"Gross"
"yeah look at Chelsey, she has bigger boobs than all of us combined and she doesn't show off." Morgan winked at me and we burst out giggling. It is true, i have big boobs.
"she wishes she could be a slut but shes not pretty enough." Bridget added.
Just then Katie had bounced over, "Hello Bridget, lover!"
"Hey, Katie sweety," Bridget smiled.
Morgan and I just laughed and exchanged a look.
Later back at Rachel's house from the Park Morgan and I dissected our Indian friend, Rytha.
"was she invited?" I questioned.
"I don't think so, but she said two boys asked her out and she couldn't decide which one to pick. So I was all like just choose one. You know so she could prove that they actually did, cause I totally don't believe her." Morgan grinned.
"Well if they did ask her out it's probably cause she is so bubbly, you know? And cause she is uglyish too, the boys must think shes easy."
Morgan gasped and laughed at my scandalous accusation, "you're so evil! It's probably true though."
I giggled as well and asked her if she was going to Katie's house for the after-party later.
"Yep."
"You hypocrite!" we couldn't stop laughing.

I am practiceing keeping my storys short and with endings, i will re-edit this again later.

I like how this shows how two-faced people (especially some girls) can be...the dialogue was most definitely interesting and engaging. I felt as though there could have been more detail in this, however, so I could see more of the scenes. Also, a little more about the sleep over, as it seemed this story rushed by a wee bit too fast for me. But the characters were most definitely good in my opinion, and this definitely promises to be wonderful with some editing. As it is, it's already good!

Oh, yeah this catches the conceited air of teenage-two-faced-girls. Very Nice!

Hi there!

All righty, first off one of the most important things about stories is having good punctuation and spelling. Your short story is filled with errors that could be easily fixed with a good read over. I'm assuming you know how grammar and spelling in the english language works and so I will let you do the fixing of that.

Now my second issue is that I don't like the subject matter. I believe the dialogue is accurate for what you're trying to portray, but I hate reading it. Nobody in my opinion enjoys reading teenage girl lingo.

The third problem I have with your story and by far the most important is that I can't follow the story. Reading your story is like fumbling through a huge forest and you don't know which way is up or down, left or right. Is there even a plot to your story? Or are you just trying to portray a teenage girl conversation? I actually couldn't finish reading it because I was so confused.

Overall it just wasn't a good read and deserves a lot more attention.

~aero

Have you been eavsdropping on the girls in my school?? Tut, tut. You bad person. But seriously, you have captured the 'bitchy teenage girl' thing soooo well. The only thing that would have made it even more realistic is if they started bitching about some girl being a total leso without even knowing if she was!

The spelling and puncuation weren't that good, so you might want to look at that. Otherwise, I really liked it.

For some reason a lot of things in this really bugged me...

Suggestions:

Teenagers these days? I'm assuming you mean middle school, in which case cool, you caught the air of bubbleheadedness. High school is nothing like this, teenagers are a lot more mature than this, unless of course you're talking about ditzes. Fix: You're dialouge, everything is way to "OMG Blonde!" for pretty much anybody's tastes.

Point and purpose: So, this is pretty much a pointless random story right? Well, no story should ever be pointless, try adding some meaning into what you're saying. This seemed too much like just anything...nothing popped out at me and I doubt I will remember it much longer after I've posted this.

Immaturity. This topic has already been breeched earlier, but seriously, it's bad. Just the level of...annoyance created by your characters makes me want to throw a small duck at a wall or something.

Confusion: Aeroman was right on the dot with this one, I couldn't follow your story. Not at all. By the time I had realized what you were talking about you were already gone. I didn't like it.

Okay, so I hoped I helped a little, and if I didn't well then...sorry.

-JC

You further promote an already scarcely followed and erroneous stereotype in an unhumourous way to no effect and scorn the innocent colloquial dialogue of certain people in a way that amounts to prejudice.

Hope that helped.

Ew, gross. Teengae girls aren't really as coarse as this, are they? I admit I'm not exactly a whole-souled admirer of teengage school girls, but they're not this bad, surely?

Anyway, you need grammer and capitals and all - there's practically none of the necessary technical accuracy here. You need to leave a line between dialogue and each paragraph.

And this feels like it's a chapter from the middle of a book. There needs to be more before and after this to bulk it out more.

-ST

Hi!
I liked how you used the teenage girl talk, but I think you over used it a little. You just need to clean a few grammar things up here and there, but otherwise, I like it!

That is a very stereo typical view to take of teenage girls, but you did portray what you wanted to. A little less dialogue maybe. I think it would be more interesting if you added a bit more substance to it. Well done though..

I am a little torn with this one.

The subject matter is perhaps a little over done, but you did capture the stupidity of SOME teenage girls well... the problem with it here is that there is too much of it, and to the reader it is meaningless. We do not know who these people are, nor do we know who they are gossiping about... and frankly we do not really care.

I definitly agree that you should add substance, this is not so much a story in itself as a single scene. Keeping your storys short is a good skill to have, but in this case it doesn't work, there is no plot, and all we see of the characters is their superficiality, they never become real people to us.

There is potential here, I just cannot see this being a story all by itself.
-Gen

You could have put more description in this. And the grammar was a little off, but that could easily be fixed. But I also think that the way you portrayed them was a little childish. Not many girls talk like that with out a real reason to. Except maybe in middle school. And it is sort of catagorizing saying that that is what all teenagers are like these days.
But it was ok

-A Friend

Teenage girls these days?
I really don't think that this applies to a huge majority of girls.
Admittedly, not all of us are angels,
But there are lots of really nice girls out there,
Though you did very accurately capture the personality of a typical she-witch.
I wanted to slap them senseless.
Little errors here and there, but nothing that can't be fixed
Thankfully, none of the girls I know are like that,
Though I have heard a few of these cases.
Makes me want to strangle them.
You did a good job overall, such a spot-on portrayal