Wizard-Chapter 1

Not sure about the title, and I may add more to Chapter 1.


Chapter 1

Annie stared glumly out the window of her father's apartment in New York City, brow furrowed. The room around her looked blank, with bare walls and a few dark pieces of furniture. There was one portrait on the wall, of a man, who looked to be in his early twenties, leaning on a large crutch and smiling broadly.

She switched her attention from the bustling streets to this portrait, thinking kindly of the man portrayed there. He was Annie's uncle, a powerful wizard, respected by most in their community. He was exactly what Annie aspired to be.

It didn't help her dream that she was the youngest of nine. It was well known that the seventh child to be born would be the most powerful. Her brother, Theodore, had been lucky enough for that gift.

But she couldn't call him Theodore anymore. He was off the take The Test, which assessed your ability for magic, and which job would best suit you. He would recieve his Wizard name once he passed the test, something grand like Elliath, Saquar, or Danor.

Annie would be taking the test in two years time. She was always daydreaming about her name, her job, her powers, once she was through with it. An unpleasant thought interupted her dream. What if she was named Wartel? It was a rather popular name for female Wizards, though no one found it appealing. What if she was assigned to the Squad, a dreaded band of Wizards who had the job of killing non-wizards who experienced magical happenings?

Suddenly, there was a loud bang as the door to the apartment swung open, hitting the wall behind it.

Some would say chapter length is up to you, but I would say that's too short.

I think you told me too much about wizards in a short space of time. I think it would be more interesting if the only thing you really divulged in the first part is that she's a wizard. I would be more interested in her character and the plot premise at this point (of which the reader learns little).

You have the right idea with the door opening at the end, but I didn't really get into the story enough to wonder "who might it be". You may want to consider actually having someone come in during this chapter and use them to establish the plot premise, rather than the next.

The writing itself was mostly good, although there are a few errors such as "interupted" which should have two r's.

You could do with a more original title as well (but I'm being kind of picky now).


I think you are doing a decent job in accordance with your intentions.

I think the chapter could be longer....maybe you can put more details about Annie's personality and tell the reader more about her. I like the idea of ending a chapter in suspense...

...maybe something else can happen in this chapter... like a conversation between two people or ..something...

...your writing shows promise!!....looking forward to reading more

1. I really liked your beginning sentence. It set the scene, the characters, and the mood.
2. I think you need to describe the setting even more. Talk about the furniture, describe the lighting in the room, the weather outside, the view out the window, etc...
3. Explain why Annie's uncle is well respected, and why she looks up to him.
4. Go into detail about her "dream"
5. Explain the world they live in. Obviously it is this world, but also it is different. Considering there are wizards. So use the first chapter to explain the world and setting and whatnot.
6. If you are going to use that last sentence at the end, either find a way to use a cliffhanger, rather than just an introductory sentence, or continue the situation until a place where you can easily transition to a new chapter.

Those are all just suggestions, of course. I, like the others, like your writing style, and I do think you show promise. But hey...Practice makes perfect!

I agree with the others on what they said, and I also agree that you should try to make it longer (I like long chapters). I will look for it if you post another because I'd like to see who bust through her door.