A Taste of Fate

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Janvian Yetrovski walked the Corridor of Fates thirty-two rounds every night.

Back and forth, one round. Back and forth, two rounds. And so on and so forth, until he reached - back and forth - the thirty-second round, marking the end of his shift.

Tonight had run smoothly, so far. He was on his sixth round - back and forth - when the delusions began to hit him. Hallucinations were common for the Guards of the Fates, as even the specially-charmed doors could not fully keep out the realms behind them. Visions leaked through like dew. It took years to get used to them, and even now, after fifteen years, Janvian shuddered at some. He had his favorites, of course, and one door had always intrigued him, with its ornate, gargoylesque framework. But no vision had ever come out of it, which unnerved him perhaps more than anything else.

The thing was, each of those visions were the fates people figured they would endure after death. Most were pleasant; many believed they would end up in Heaven, although each version of Heaven was a little different. A few were blank, and those unnerved Janvian. Those were the people who believed there was no life after death, and thus were forced to endure an eternity of suspended nothingness.

Janvian was never fond of self-created Hells, and he walked briskly past those doors, glancing quickly to make sure no poor souls were trying to escape. That was his job, after all. He had been specially trained to show no mercy, even with those who had been tortured for thousands of years. They have created their own fate, the authorities had told him. Now they must fulfill their self-made prophecies.

As the night passed on - back and forth, twenty rounds - the hallucinations became entire scenes filling the hallway directly in front of the door. Janvian began to take pleasure in looking at some of the Heavens as he passed through. A few people believed Heaven consisted of spring-green meadows, surrounded by sparse forests in which gentle creatures roamed. A gathering of children played near a river, and the sun shone lightly over all. Janvian passed through this scene as he would through a spiderweb, and then continued on to the next Heaven. In this one, streets paved in gold lead to an enormous castle, and people were crowded around its walls, singing in worship. The guard stopped to listen for a moment, then continued on his route.

The nice scenes were not the only ones to take up the hallway, however. Hell, too, wanted its chance to expand its borders, and the few Hells in the hall made their presence known. Screams emanated from their scenes, even before Janvian could reach the doors. He quickly passed through, figuring that anyone who escaped would be visible in the empty spaces between scenes.

On and on the night went, until finally - back and forth, thirty-one rounds - Janvian reached his very last round. By this point, he was tempted to sprint through the hall to avoid the chaos around him. Scenes began leaking into one another, and there was no safe place to rest. Save one.

Halfway to the end of the hall, Janvian stopped in front of the silent gargoyle door. Visions flooded his peripheral vision as he studied it, but his fascination held his focus. Ever silent, it had been an almost faithful respite for him on every shift.

Fifteen years is a long time... He thought, then reprimanded himself immediately. Fifteen years was nothing compared to some of the veterans of the hall. Still, he could feel something pulling him. Perhaps this Corridor is not where I’m meant to spend my eternity...

He walked cautiously up to the door, feeling the rough surface of the carving around it. To his surprise, it was not cold, nor hot, but luke-warm. The stone itself was very smooth, almost gliding underneath his fingertips. He began to see the beauty in the design and wondered who had carved it.

Janvian looked both ways. My replacement will be here soon to take his shift. Nothing would happen in that time if I were to... He let his thoughts drift, examining the iron handle on the door. It was true, no guard had ever entered one of the fates, and he didn’t know if it would be pleasant or painful, or simply nothing. He stepped back; lack of knowledge was never a good thing to go by when making a decision. He may never come back, and what good would that do anyone?

Still... Janvian closed his eyes, took a deep breath, grasped the handle tightly, and opened the door.

A single thought entered his mind in the split second before he entered his fate; his favorite quote from Sir Winston Churchill: “If you are going through hell, keep going.”

He smiled, submitting to his new self-made eternity.
Love and Light




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Very noice, Crysi, very noice indeed.

I liked the idea...but I was a little confused as to what the idea was. Strange, no? I know. Hehe, no, it was the Hall of Death right? In any case it was very interesting.

I think you could ease up a little on the 'back and forth' repetition, and I wasnt entirely satisfied with the ending. The quoting was a little blatant and I don't think the Winston Churchill name fit in with the story at all. Too modern.

I think you should make something of this, I'm very interested. I want to see where this leads.

Hehe, very good!
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko




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This is a very intriguing piece. I liked it a lot. Cliffhangers always get ya'. :}

I, personally, liked all of the "back and forths." I think they add a sort of...rythm to the story. Not to mention, there is repetition in other ways throughout the piece, and they just bring it out more. I guess that's sort of a style-preference thing?

A gathering of children played near a river, and the sun shone lightly over all.


"...while the sun shone lightly over all." I think sounds and flows better.

he was tempted to sprint through the hall to avoid the chaos around him. Scenes began leaking into one another, and there was no safe place to rest. Save one.


And then all of a sudden he's just there at the door. So did he sprint? Or did he remain calm and walk?

To his surprise, it was not cold, nor hot, but luke-warm.


use a simile or something to compare it to, to enhance the feeling we are supposed to get about this door.

He began to see the beauty in the design and wondered who had carved it.


So what was the design?

That's really all the advice I have to give. :} Very good piece, and I like your style.




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Hi Crysi. A few comments here.

I liked the character and the idea a lot. It was certainly something new. Janvian's reactions were very revealing of his character.

I think you could have done something with the visions. Instead of us being able to see them, we are just told that they are there. In my mind I had a few ideas of good visions and bad visions, and even the suspended nothingness visions ^_^, but a few cues would have been appropriate.

Janvian's motives for entering seemed a bit lacking. I think perhaps if his character were to be doing his rounds for the very last time or something of that nature, he might be more inclined to step into the unknown. Or at least show that he is a curious fellow throughout the rest of the story.

And I have to agree that the name "Winston Churchill" doesn't belong. Since this is simply a YWS competition piece, I don't think you'll have to worry about sourcing your quote.

I did like this line a lot:

"Janvian was never fond of self-created Hells"

although I think "had never been fond" would work better tense-wise.
Perception is everything.




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Good! Sorry to repeat what others have said, but the Winston Churchill thing leapt out. As it was for Fool's Duel, you didn't need to say that.

That aside, it was very well written! Sorry, don't have time for a full crit now.

-ST
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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Very good! It was original and really got me interested! :D

I agree with Trident. He seemed to rush into the door without as much incentive as I think a man who could be walking into hell would.

He smiled, submitting to his new self-made eternity.


I really like this as the last line! :P
If you have to ask me why I write, you would never understand...




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I like the character's name- you should definetely keep working on it.
You have alot of talent as a writer. I really like your work. I like the whole fantasy bit. (:
You should definetely keep working on this one. Can't wait to read more. =]
You can PM me anytime (:



Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads.
— Marianne Moore