All Alone

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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 16
You walked out of the door,
Taking away everything from me,
I don’t know why I’m still alive,
Because I only lived for you,
And my every breath was for you,
And my every heartbeat was for you.

At nights I can’t even sleep,
Because my cushion is too wet,
Tears just can’t stop flowing,
And I’ve forgotten how to smile,
Things have become so difficult,
It’s just not the same anymore.

You were the only one in my life,
But now you’ve left me too,
Whose shoulder should I cry on?
Now that I’m all alone,
Who will try to make me smile?
Now that I’m all alone...
**God bless yar lame soul**




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Ok, i liked this, but one line annoyed me just ever so slightly and that was:

Because my cushion is too wet,

When i first read it, i was like...whhhat? I mean it made sense with the rest of it, but cushion? Myabe Pillow or something would work better here? Its just cushion makes me think of the thing you sit on, not what you sleep on?

Anyway, other than that, it was good, with a bit of editing here and there it will be a lovely, but sad poem :)

Best of luck!

Meevs
x
Bag.

Got YWS?




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Points 5688
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um... is this a poem or prose? cause... you might wanna check where you put it again...
“It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting.” - Lemony Snicket




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You need to get this moved to poetry. Mods? Mods? Little moving needed here!

-ST
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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Moved to Other Poetry. :D

-Jenna
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Edna began to feel like one who awakens gradually out of a dream, a delicious, grotesque, impossible dream, to feel again the realities pressing into her soul.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening