Beyond The Ridge

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We stood to see
what lay beyond the ridge,
as if we all thought
the world would be abruptly cut off,
and whatever went further,
just fell into nothing.

We all knew that the stars
lay in heaven, and each parting soul
filled the darkness
with infinite twilight.

Maybe when I die
I'll find a spot in Capricorn
with the heroes of Old,
hoping one day that my accomplishments
will mirror even the most
minor & lesser of our great heroes.

Almost there,
just thirty more feet.

"I'm afraid,"
admitted the quiet voice behind me,
"maybe we should . . ."

"No," I said, "we go on."

I hear the loud crunch
of rocks and dead vegetation
follow meekly behind me.

Can it be, that all this fear
of the great unknown,
of falling off the edge of the earth,
simply be to just strike fear
in the hearts of children?

Could it be that these skeletal frames
from afar be the home of the gods,
long left behind, forgotten,
to fade away into the twilight
of the heavens?

If this ridge isn't the end of the world,
then does it end?
And if it does, when?

Maybe beyond the great winters,
but if that was the case,
how do these winters seem to
never run out?

"What are those?"
Stammered an exasperated voice
behind me.

"The homes of forgotten gods."
I replied, as if it were all that simple.
Last edited by Fabien on Mon May 28, 2007 10:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The surrounding world
was an ugly one,
but we needed no beauty
other than the light
within each other's eyes. - "Modern World" * topic15452




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Well, I'm not sure why but that made me want to cry? I'm really not one for poetry but i have fallen in love with this peice, its original and clever and well written. Well done! You have a brilliant peice here!

miyaviloves
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I never liked long poetry... I'm too impatient ^_^ Although Pale Fire is long, but that's Nabokov, he gets away with it.

I enjoyed it, though I felt more like I was reading a story in verse than a poem. I'm biased though, to me poems have to make me feel something or think about something, they have to reflect back on life, and this didn't do that for me.

Of course, I couldn't entirely grasp what it was about, either. I gathered the climbing of somewhere, and I really loved the reference to god's of old. Made me think of Greek/Roman gods.

It wasn't bad but it just didn't do anything for me. I did like it though, but like I said it gave off a story, and not poem, feeling. I'm not sure how you could improve on this (It's topic is a bit off key for something that you would plug with emotional cues and the like) which only shows how utterly useless I can be ^_^ I complain but can't advise? Terrible.

Though, if you'd like to ask questions (which might help spark my own thoughts) be my guest and PM me. Sorry I was so useless...Ah, and a line edit:

"Wh..wh..at are those?"
I don't like the dots there. They don't work. It's the fact that you cut the whole word up, most people do "wh...what" etc. or they use —, or cut it all together since you have 'stammered' in the dialog tag.

Best of luck.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




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...I love this. Absolutely love it. Don't change a word, please, Fabien. The narrative in poem form is a hard thing to pull off, but this is done beautifully. One of the best poems I've ever read period, not just here on YWS. And I'll agree with miyaviloves; it's deceptively heartwrenching, and inexplicably so.
give me my Romeo; and when he shall die,
take him and cut him out in little stars,
and he will make the face of night so fine
that all the world will be in love with night,
and pay no worship to the garish sun...




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Gorgeous, Fabien. I think this poem is you at your best. I second everything catharsis and miyaviloves said!
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
— Mark Twain