Strangled

No, I aint never coming back,
No more…
Not to you, dear, no way!
With you, Baby,
I felt so strangled.

Now when I’m free,
Free at least,
I’ll run till my feet,
Tells me to stop
I felt so strangled.

Maybe you’ll miss me,
Maybe you won’t.
I can’t care, honey,
I gotta get away,
I felt so strangled.

Just a thought of you,
A scent like yours,
Stop my breath,
Stop my heart;
I felt so strangled.

I felt like in a spider’s web,
Waiting for a monster
To come ‘n eat me,
Slowly digest me,
I felt so strangled.

Now I’m miles away,
From everything,
I couldn’t handle.
Am I free at last?
I felt so strangled.

Hello!
I'm sorry, but I didn't really enjoy it. It didn't seem to flow right, for one. The best way to test this is to read it out-loud, at a fairly constant speed. The words should sound nice together. It sounded choppy, and unfinished, instead.

MJs_Magic_Pen wrote:I aint never coming back,

This has several mistakes. First off, you'll need an apostrophe [ain't]. Secondly, you have a double negative [Ain't never]. You can only use one of them, or else it's like saying: I coming back. There are two ways to fix this:
1. I ain't ever coming back.
2. I'm never coming back.

Personally, one sounds better, but it's up to you.


Good luck!

McMourning