He Loves Me He Loves Me Not...

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March 30, 2007

(Sitting at the computer with the incentive to rid myself of what has been a thorn in my side far too long.

I want to tell you something quite personal. It is…about him.

Since the day my love betrayed me…the way things unraveled and blew up in my face like a secret mine that I didn’t seem to notice, I was extremely all out of things to say when he told me he was dating someone else, simply terrified and downright furious. I was filled with remorse as if I had lost a loved one, I was confused for the first time in my wretched life, and I was anything but sane. I was broken and torn apart like someone had taken a knife and cut it right into my chest. I could feel the pain. I had that lump in my throat and I feel it now.

The tears are welling up right now. Just give me a moment to pull myself together...Sigh.

As I was. This man that I had been in love with for years…is gone. He took my heart with him and all the love I had to offer and he put me to the side as if putting me back upon the shelf. The things I did didn’t matter. All the things I said didn’t mean anything to him and I wondered why I wasted my time upon him at all. I guess I just loved him so much.

Everyday, I go through mounds of questions of why I am the way that I am. Of why I can’t seem to feel for anyone, why I can’t fall in love…and it always ends up right back where it began. HIM.

Could it mean that I am simply not over him? Could it mean that I haven’t lost feelings for him? I want to fall out of love with him! I want to push him to the side like he did me. I want to be free

A tear falls down my cheek and I shake my head, holding in the tears of the past that still linger. Chest tight, I inhale and hope writing this will quench the yearning and pain that still haunts me every now and then.

I was so in love with him the moment that I saw him. I did everything I could to let him know that I was in love with him. I wanted to give him the world. I drew him pictures of us. I wrote him songs that still exist today and might one day be playing on your radio. I thought about him every waking moment and I still do. I’m completely miserable! How did I let him get to me like this?

(Late last night, hanging out with him and my friends---before driving me home.)

I tried so hard not to look at him. He was still, as always, handsome and devilishly charming. He still had the power to take my breath away. I simply tried to be casual and---myself.

He was shooting pool at Dracula and I sat down as all my other friends joined in except me. I couldn’t exactly be myself. I was minding my own business as I spoke to my good friend about how the place was pretty deep about the whole Dracula scene, and then I heard him talking to me.

“Shouldn’t you like this place? You like vampires.” He said.

My heart dropped. He remembered clearly how I liked vampires. I couldn’t respond to him. I didn’t know how. We spent a lot of time when we were together, but considering that he’s with someone else now, changed everything. After I got over the fact that he constantly kept glancing my way, he finally decided to leave and I knew he was my ride home.

The moment we were the last ones in the car, I sat in the front and stared out the window.

“Look at the moon.” I said, trying to make conversation, “It’s beautiful.”

“Yeah. It’s alright.” He replied. It was just like him to respond so broadly. I missed it. I missed him.

Silenced walked into the moment and he tried to make polite conversation as well, but it all ended up in ruins. As soon as we made it to my house, I dreaded leaving so abruptly, but then he stopped me.

“My cell phone is ***-****.” He said, “What was your number?”

I told him and he placed it inside his phone. “Alright then. I’ll see you later.”

“Ok. Well, call me if ever you want to hang out. I’m free most of the time.”

He nodded and I shut the door. When I finally climbed into bed, the thought of kissing him came clear to me. So I let myself think that I kissed him goodnight, it’s over, but all that remained was a tormented soul and that raging desire to be back in his arms once again.
Last edited by Certainly Love on Tue Oct 06, 2009 3:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
Sincerely, Amanda R. Holden, Author of Azyea's GIfts




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I was filled with remorse as if I had lost a loved one,
this doesn’t seem to make sense, cause you HAVE lost someone. Maybe you should say something like “I was filled with remorse as though he had died in front of me” that might be better.

Maybe you should also put in your despair that all the things you had done with him were worthless and your confusion at why they didn’t seem to affect him. Like they affected you.

This is all VERY good. It is obvious how your experience has come through in all this and some of the metaphors are very impressive. I feel almost a little guilty for critiquing this because it must be so personal to you. You write well and experience is a friend to you. Let’s hope that this will teach you something and that you’ll move on to find happiness in another person. :D

All the best
Yours
BlackDove
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i actually enjoy editing poeples stories - so if you would like me to edit your story, please send me a PM. I think it would be easier than me simply criting your work and certainly much more thourough!




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Um...so he didn't love her the way she love him?
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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HIM.

Is an amazing band, just thought I'd say that =D. When you capatalize the letters like that it's a band. Italics would do this better =D

Running round in circles singing Ring around the rosy, pocket full of poseys, ashes, ashes we all fall DOWN!

That's what this reminded me of. Circles...which irrelivantly happen to be my favorite shape...my least favorite style of writing however.

You repeated yourself a lot, not that that's a bad thing, just that you repeating thoughts that you had yet to complete. All I got was you were sad because he was gone. I know this is probably a personal story, so I hate to shoot you down, but for some reason this didn't warm my cool heart. Not that I have a cold heart, but the fact that as I was reading this I had no feeling for the narrator made me feel as if I was a cold hearted person...that made me the most sad.

So, find a way to make your reader care more about what you're saying, and why you're saying it. Maybe add something about their past. Were they going out? Or did she just love him? Were they best friends? Why did it hurt so much to lose him, how were they that close? Answer those questions and your reader is sure to care =D

I hope that helped a bit! If you need me to explain anything further PM me, and I'll see what I can do!

-JC
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett




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JCobsesed wrote:
HIM.

Is an amazing band, just thought I'd say that =D.


Eeeh. Not really. I don't like their sound much. But we're both entitled to our opinions. =D

Certainly Love wrote:Everyday, I go through mounds of questions of why I am the way that I am. Of why I can’t seem to feel for anyone, why I can’t fall in love…and it always ends up right back where it began. HIM.


I'm not sure if I'm completely correct, but shouldn't there be semicolons used in this little bit? Like, the first two sentence. I don't think that the second one should be it's own sentence, since you're making a list.

But that's me.

But other than that, I think JCobsesed and the others covered the rest. I really liked the piece.
"This band is metal in that we have a lot of metal in our instruments, and there's quite a lot of metal on my belt buckle as well." - Mikey Way




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Hi Amanda, remember me? lol

Anyways, onto my crit. I noticed you've repeated some thoughts of the girl several times in the piece. It kinda put me off a bit.

I also noticed you told more than showed. I once wrote a love piece for school and yes I did used telling more. But I think this could be more effective if it was showed more.

Overall, it was a good read.

Laters.
"To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and survive."




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Seriouly did find another person that makes me extremely happy. I am truly happyily married. This story was a true one but it is just puppy love. Haha. Thank goodness, I would have hated being with someone like him again. haha.
Sincerely, Amanda R. Holden, Author of Azyea's GIfts




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I loved it so much it's wonderful i really think that you could be a very creative auther



Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson