You're The One

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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 3
There is sorrow in my tears
There's hidden pain in every smile
A love that's gone away
A love time can't erase
One that ran so deep and true
One that has made me so blue
I try hard to just forget
But that's something I can't do

My whole life I've been broken
With a heart that can't be mended
And with every day that passes
I'm drinking from my tear-filled glasses

She was my best friend and my lover
She was my wife, I loved no other
The only one that I ran to
With any problems that I had
She was always there to talk to
Always there to cheer me up
For on any darkened day I had
She was my sun shining so bright

Four months passed and still I miss her
And once again my heart is shattered
I had found no one to heal it
No one looked deep enough to see it
Then one day you came along
And I feel like I'm whole again
So I'll pray that I don't lose you
Because deep down I truley love you

Something about you caught my eye
Something about you made me smile
And I don't know how I could explain it
But I'm giving it a try

When you hold me I feel safe
You take me to a better place
Others may have come before you
But my time with them was a waste
Maybe I'm jumping the gun
Maybe I'm moving way too fast
But I know that you're the one
I want to spend my whole life with...
What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger, wisdom comes with age and with wisdom comes great responsiblity and maturity.




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Gender Female
Points 1125
Reviews 368
I liked this poem.

I don't think so you need to change anything here.


Well done!

But yes where are the puntuations?

Keep writing!
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 566
Wow i really liked this, sort of reminded me of something that James Blunt might sing. Like Princess said, add punctuation and you will be onto something very very good here!
miyaviloves
Bag.

Got YWS?




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 40
cool poem


it's
"Very nice"
It's priest have a little priest




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Points 32885
Reviews 2058
No, sorry dear, I didn't read it :-)


But I thought I would suggest something for you.

ANI wrote:But yes where are the puntuations?
She's right, you really should punctuate your poetry, it is SO important. So what I am suggesting is an article that may help you out: Poetry & Punctuation

Sorry I didn't actually read and critique it...
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo



Prometheus, thief of light, giver of light, bound by the gods, must have been a book.
— Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves