Fear/Love

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 9
I don’t fear you
I love you
Isn’t that funny
You did all
In your power
To push me away
From you
I’m not afraid
And you hate that
But I love you
So deep inside
That it hurts
When you yell
At me
I cry
But for you
People tell me
I should hate you
For everything
You’ve put me through
But I care
I want to protect you
Though you won’t let me
"There's something rotten in the state of Denmark"




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 227
It's all broken, you need to add punctuation and run some lines onto each other.

I don’t fear you
I love you


These can be nice and short, add some full stops to the end of each line and it will read better.

Isn’t that funny


Some sort of punctuation would be good here, a comma or even a question mark.


In your power
To push me away
From you
I’m not afraid
And you hate that


I think these are all too short, maybe run some of the lines together so it becomes fluent.

But I love you
So deep inside
That it hurts


Now here it gets a bit confusing because of the way the lines were broken. When I read it I thought it should have been "So deep inside, It hurts" because of the line break.

When you yell
At me


This would work better on one line, I think.

The thought and emotion are in the poem, but I think you need to structure it better with punctuation, rhythm and line length.

It's a very nice poem which really works on the idea of love and hate, so don't take my criticism the wrong way, I liked the poem.
Sing we for joy and idleness,
Naught else is worth the having. -- Ezra Pound

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User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 32
Adding punctuation would definitely be good. That will help the fluency greatly. Other than that, I really like the poem. I can relate to it somewhat.
Problems are like mould; if not stopped,they grow and spread until even the air is filled with the poison of their spores.



I think Amelia Earhart wants you to get some ice cream.
— SilverNight