The New Kid

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Hey not sure if this even belongs here. Not sure if it makes sense but oh well I just came up with it in study hall today so hope you like it and understand it and reviews are welcome even harsh ones so bring it on. :D


The New Kid


The new kid came to school today.
I came along a year ago.

He was accepted in the crowds.
I was not.

He had a place to sit at lunch.
I sat all alone.

He had plenty of people to talk to.
I did not.

The girls wanted to go out with him.
I had no Friday night date.

The guys slapped him on the back.
They pushed me and my books to the ground.

He saw what they did.
I felt what they did.

He thought of pity.
I thought of suicide.

He helped me up.
I was shocked.

He picked up my books.
I said thank you.

He smiled at me.
I smiled back.

He said goodbye.
I watched him go.

He saw me again.
I saw him too.

He said hello.
I said hi.

He asked me out.
I said yes.

He took me to the dance.
I had never been.

He never let me go.
I felt so loved.

We danced the whole night away in each others arms.


so hoped you liked it and it was not that bad. man what I say is if you have something on your mind take out some paper and write it down.
Everything is written in the sand but, it just depends on how you read it!
lot of love
erin
http://s167.photobucket.com/albums/u127/sufergirl_01/
you know you want to! lol




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While writing down whatever pops into your mind may be liberating and therapeutic, it has to be done effectively to be considered poetry. As this stands now, it isn't much more than a jumble of simple one-worders. The contrasting of the two characters is a good idea, but I suggest you do it more artistically. Throw in some allusions, metaphors; all those neat little poetic devices that create something intriguing. It's up to you to figure out how to go about this. To begin with, I suggest you read some of the poetry posted on this site by some of the more adept poets. Good luck,

Cameron
The individual leads in actual fact a double life, one in which he is an end to himself and another in which he is a link in a chain which he serves against his will or at least independently of his will.
--SIGMUND FREUD




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Hey. I told you what I thought in study hall{most boring class in world right alongside ms. harrison's}you weren't trying for this to be like real poetry right? just something without a genre or anything?
cause it's not really poetry I guess, but then again one man's trash is another's prize procession right? well whatever it is it's good. maybe a little
more discription.
love ya mean it!
E.J.
~ the world will tell you who you are...
until you tell the world different.
so what are you waiting for?~



If you want to make enemies, try to change something.
— Woodrow Wilson