Chicken Little

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Chicken Little

The worst of situations can sometimes bring the best of outcomes. At least, that is what Jude Mulvani of Hawaii has come to believe. Jude was once your typical, ordinary teenage boy. He had his clique of friends, his girlfriend, his parents and siblings—and he had college to attend next year. But one day, all this changed.

Along with most of his jock friends, Jude owned a “macho-man” sports car that he loved to drive—fast. On the first nice day in April, he took this pretty little car of his and began a journey to the lake to meet up with his girlfriend. Suddenly, there was a loud thump on his windshield. Jude jumped and jerked the car quickly over to the side of the highway. To his amazement, Jude saw—almost glued to his windshield—a bird. But this wasn’t just any bird; it was a stuffed bird…wearing glasses that had obviously been stolen from Chicken Little.

Jude jumped out of his car as quickly as he could—but he was surprised again before he had time to freak out. As he moved his previously sneakered feet from the vehicle to the asphalt, they dissolved into three long, separated toes—just like a bird. From there, the changes were much quicker. As Jude tried to scream, his lips were changed into a beak and all that came out was a tiny “chirp”. As he went to run, his arms were changed into wings and he levitated slightly, unexpectedly, slamming his newly feathered head onto the roadway.

Writhing in pain for no longer than a minute of two, Jude finally leaned up and glanced down to his body. Was this really him? Was he really now a creature that flew into windows? (And furthermore, how the heck did a stuffed bird end up on his windshield?). He pinched himself—well…clawed himself rather—just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming and closed his eyes tightly, as if the tighter he closed them the quicker this weird nightmare would end. Upon opening them, however, he was still just a bird in the road, staring at a little red sports car. Oh my gosh, my car…how am I ever going to drive it NOW?! He thought, ..and what about Ava? I was supposed to meet her—now she’s going to I ditched her again and go on one of her ‘refusing to talk to me’ sprees. He sighed, thinking back through all the things he was going to miss because of this freak nightmare. And what about college?? I’ll never be able to go anywhere looking like this. And I was supposed to take mom to the doctor today and Tommy to his tee-ball game tomorrow afternoon—I’ll scare him looking like this! All this time he spent thinking, he seemed to have forgotten that he was a small creature in the middle of a three-lane highway. That was, until he caught a glimpse of an enormous black truck coming right at him.

Out of instinct, Jude attempted to run—which in turn only flapped his wings. Before he knew it, Jude was high above the wheels of the truck, looking down at the car whizzing by on the road beneath him. He glanced around him, noting the calm sky and peaceful nothing sounds, and suddenly it occurred to him that maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing after all. To fly was like driving anywhere at four a.m.—no traffic. To fly was like being in a personal plan—no one bickering in your ear. To fly was like being single—no one to have ridiculous fights with. To fly was like being four years old again—no major decision to make. To fly was like moving out for the first time—total independence. To fly was the answer to everything.
Last edited by Via on Sat Mar 17, 2007 4:49 am, edited 4 times in total.
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I don't really understand this piece of writing.
Always happy to help!




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Just was once your typical, ordinary teenage boy


Just? Did you mean "Jude"?

He has his click of friends,


You changed tenses in this sentence (had), and I think it's "cliques".

To his amazement, Jude saw—almost glues o his windshield—


almost glued to his windshield

But this wasn’t just any bird; it was a stuffed bird…wearing glasses that had obviously been stolen from Chicken Little.


What??

As he moves his previously sneakered feet


Moved. Remember, you're writing this in past tense.

slamming his newly feathered head onto the roadway.


Hee hee. :D

And what about college??


You only need one question mark.

I’ll never be able to go anywhere looking like this. And I was supposed to take mom to the doctor today and Tommy to his tee-ball game tomorrow afternoon—I’ll scare him looking like this!


If this is Jude's thoughts, you need to italicize this, or else you need to put it in third person, like the rest of your piece.

he seem to have forgotten that he was a small creature


Seemed.

whizzing by beneath on the road beneath him.


Repeat of the word "beneath" here.

For me, the ending was unsatisfying. Wouldn't a "typical, ordinary teenage boy" miss his family, friends, and everything? How is flying really the solution to everything?

I'm not sure how I feel about this piece; I'm hoping it was supposed to be funny, and if it was, it was cute. The part where he transforms into a bird (chicken?) is unclear at first, though. Also, it's a good idea to read through your work before you post it to catch typos and stuff.
"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
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Its a nice story, a nice easy read but it is a bit unsatisfying. The way Jude so easily accepts being turned into a chicken without any real panic doesn't seem to suit the character that he is portrayed as being. (this is similar to what Casandra said).

Maybe a tiny bit more background on Jude could make his reaction easier to accept, since I'm sure that an typical teenager would freak if he was put into such a situation.

Oh and I love the title :)




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Ha. Well...the first time I wrote this it was realllllly late at night. It was actually for an assignment, and the next day I went through and corrected my million "it's 1am and I am not fully functional" mistakes and printed it out. However, it appears my "it's 6am and I'm still not fully functional" mind forgot to save all my changes.

So I did actually read it, but didn't save it? Lol. And the unitalicized but should be italicized part was actually italicized in word, but it didn't follow to this when I pasted it and I missed it.

Thank you for the feedback and I will correct my pathetic typos :D
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"I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met." -The Wedding Date



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