Just die

I don't know what this is so yeah...


I can't stand it anymore!
Just die
stop laying in the hospital bed
Just die
you're killing me on the inside

Sickness, Illness, Disease
I don't know what it is
but you won't get any better so please,
Just die!

You keep having these episodes
Making me think it's the end
but you make it
It's never the end of the road

This looks like poetry to me! Why's it in Other? If it's Other Poetry, there's a section for that.

[Moved to Other Poetry]

Awww Linds. This was really good. Change your title though so it proves to be more intruiging. lol

*cries*

Keep at it!

~Rieda

this was interesting to me in that it grabbed my attention (lots of things don't) but i think i might feel differently about it depending on whether it was based on a personal situation or simply intended to be a poem. if that makes any sense. sincere apologies to snoink and staring_at_ceiling for the one-word critique.

Wow. There's a lot of emotion behind this poem... It strikes me as having a kind of angered/confused/tearful vibe. Did it just come to you? Or is it based on something that happened in your life????

-Kylan

Great subject. Your meaning gets across fine here, and your emotions. My only suggestion would be to spruce up the language, use some unusual words. Good work!

I can't stand it anymore!
Just die
stop layingMy opinion says Lieing(or something like that) in the hospital bed
Just die
you're killing me oni think it should be in the inside

I loved this poem. I felt the emotion like it was contagious from that poem. I also like the Just die parts. Very intriguing. Keep this up, it is much better than my poetry.

-92

Two lines I have problems with...

you're killing me on the inside

It's never the end of the road

The reason why I have this problem is most of the line is based on a cliche. So you have "killing me on the inside" and "end of the road." I think it would be more effective if you just said, "killing me" and "end."

With that said, I liked it in a strange way. It is a bizarre poem, I'll give it that.

Lindsaroo wrote:I don't know what this is so yeah...


I can't stand it anymore!
Just die
stop laying in the hospital bed
Just die
you're killing me on the inside

Sickness, Illness, Disease
I don't know what it is
but you won't get any better so please,
Just die!

You keep having these episodes
Making me think it's the end
but you make it
It's never the end of the road

This is really interesting. This is a good peom to be posted as a first to the site. You can feel the sadness and the emotions depth in the poem. Keep it up Linds!!

-Rick

While I agree with Snoink about the two lines that are, as she mentioned, based primarily on cliche (usually, though, note, not always, something to avoid), I'll admit that I'm intrigued by the emotion in this poem. It's very raw, if not very colorfully written; the sense of pain and of anger at feeling pain, of underlying weariness, are quite palpable. Brava, on that note.

Wow! Now that was a very good poem, you should keep doing what your doing!

this is rather sad and depressive but no fear opptimistic women is here lol but its rather good, it describes how a lot of people feel

lulu

Well first off i am not very good at commenting on anything, let alone poetry, but its defiantly interesting. hmm well as i read through all the other comments i cant really add much, but just, keep writing and i think everyone covered everything else.....

nice this is my sort of poem
reminds me of sometihng thati just cant put my finger on

Tad bit odd but i liked


keep up the good work

Conor