A Parents Cry

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 13
I'm searching for your voice,
Screaming out,
Helpless in this world,
Call out to me,
My child,
My joy,
Call out to me,
Let me hear you live,
Hold on, hold on to life,
Don't abandon me,
Come to me,
My child,
My love,
Don't leave an empty space,
That was once filled with your sweet, sweet laughter,
My elixir,
I thought you were the helpless one,
But now I am floundering,
Without your precious hand to hold,
I could count the freckles on your arm,
Recite your teddy's names,
But I could never say just how much I love you,
Let me kiss your tiny head again,
See your beaming smile,
Let me hold you,
Oh my child,
My heart,
Don't leave me here,
My love.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1059
Reviews 7
Good, although you start out with lines that are kind of choppy and short then progress to longer lines that are almost full sentences. I don't know if you meant to do that or not but It may flow better if they are either all short and choppy or all longer. Overall, well-written, good job.
"The path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter until the perfect day."
~Proverbs 4:18



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