To Win a Date

I tried to approach you with lunch,
and you parried with a no.
I thrust with a compliment,
then you curtly snapped it down.
I launched again whith a present,
but you fliped over and came around.
I feinted with a plea, but you dodged me.
I countered with a dance,
you went wide and slashed me.
I struck for another chance,
you repositioned and withdrew.
I would advise any person,
sane or insane,
not to tangle with you.

I like...you have a good metaphor going there, and some nice lines. The opening two lines don't seem to fit - the rest of the poem rhymes, while those two just sort of sit there. You rhythm also sways a bit but I kinda like it like that - I read it out loud and it flows and jolts much like a swordfight. Good work.

i enjoyed reading this. nice theme and a very nice ending, good choice of words, keep up the good job i actually ahve nothing bad to say about it

I couldn't help but think of fencing when I read through this. Very nice effect!

nice and rather light which is a bit uncommon from you but good none the less.

I agree with Crysi. It seemed very much like "mental fencing." The rebuttals to the speaker's actions showed the perseverance of love. Well done.

I tried to approach you with lunch,
and you parried with a no. - Haha. Loser.
I thrust with a compliment,
then you curtly snapped it down. - Meanie!
I launched again whith a present,
but you flip(p)ed {over} and came around. - ? I don't get it.
I feinted with a plea, but you dodged me. - Is that SUPPOSED to rhyme?
I countered with a dance,
you went wide and slashed me. UH! MEAN!
I struck for another chance,
you repositioned and withdrew.
I would advise any person,
sane or insane,
not to tangle with you.


OH. She owned that guy. Wow. I liked it a lot. Did you read this aloud before you posted it, though? The flow of the poem was a bit off, but nevertheless it was quite enjoyable