Young Writers Society

Prologue
The elf swiftly and silently climbed up the towering oak, using even the pettiest of branches to elevate him up. Two small silver scythes hung around his waist, covered in a long black cloak. A hood covered his long, platinum hair. Piercing yellow eyes, like a cat’s, rolled across the elf’s face calmly, almost lazily. He was near; the elf could feel it. The elf had to find him.
The elf finally reached the top, his head just barely sticking out of the receding branches of the immense oak. His eyes scanned the horizon, trying to receive a glimpse of what he was in search of. His eyes confirmed his suspicions.
Still keeping his eyes on the building, his hands smoothly reached for the third pouch from the top of his left leather strap. Now in his hands was a small vial, with a yellowish liquid sloshing back and forth within its container. The elf twisted the wooden cork off the vial. He lifted his head and the vial at the same time, readying his eyes for the incoming liquid.
A few precious droplets fell into his eyes. He quickly closed them, knowing the extreme discomfort that was about to come. There was a burning pain in the back of his eye sockets, drilling at him. Fiery tears slowly flowed down his cheeks, not from pain, never from pain, but the flushing out of the old liquid in his eyes to make way for the new.
The pain subsided in a few minutes. He carefully replaced the cork back into the vial, and slid it into its proper place. He then focused on the metal object, out in the distance of the forest for several seconds. Suddenly, his vision fell away from the attention of everything else, and his sight was turned to only the metal object, his vision scoping in like a telescope. He now had a clear view of what it was.
It was a sword that had flashed the burst of light at him. A young man was swinging it fiercely and skillfully in the air, sharpening his skills, with the sword in his hands. The growing intention of the blade grew faster and stronger with each stroke. Suddenly, the young man brought the blade down upon the ground under himself. The earth rumbled and shook under the warrior as it split with immense power. The young man leapt from his platform, disappearing into a thick cluster of trees.
The elf, having seen enough, pulled another vial out, this one from the right side, third pouch. He again poured the liquid into his eyes, flushing out the yellow liquid in his eyes. There was no burning sensation this time, rather a cool and calming feeling. His eyes focused away, and became normal.
The elf chuckled, holding tightly to the branches.
“Well now, my little warrior,” he said, “time for us to play!”

I enjoyed it greatly. looking forward to more of the same quality.

This is good. I like the potion type thing in the vial. It's a good idea. I am really looking forward to more and can't spot any mistakes.

Before anyone else points this out, most people like paragraphs to have a blank line between them (not sure what the technical term for it is).

Each paragraph should be like mine are in this comment. I'm not sure why people like it, they just always tell people to do it.

-Jack

This is confusing me.

First, what's the elf's name? Until we have some name, we won't even begin to attach a character to him. If he doesn't have a character, then you have a greater problem with the story because all people need characters, especially the bad guys.

This isn't all that's confusing me, your sentence structure is too.

Piercing yellow eyes, like a cat’s, rolled across the elf’s face calmly, almost lazily.

So, this elf is just doing his own thing, when these cat eyes come out of nowhere and roll calmly (can you actually roll calmly? What the heck would that look like?) down his face, and the elf doesn't seem to mind this. If cat eyes started rolling down my face, I'd freak out big time.

And what is with the "almost lazily" part about? Is it rolling calmly, rolling lazily, or is the eyeball confused? I would certainly sympathize with the last part.

There are so many adjectives in here that they are actually making the story worse. Instead of drawing the readers attention to key details, they are distracting the reader's attention.

Some of the sentences here describe nothing, some of the sentences here describe things that are all ready implied, and some of them are so convoluted that I don't know what they are describing (or if not what, then how.)

Example of a sentence that describes nothing:

His eyes confirmed his suspicions.

This is completely useless because we don't know what his suspicions are. For all we know, his suspicion was that his target had somehow turned into a taco that poops ice cream. Therefore, the sentence describes nothing.

Example of a sentence that describes things that are implied (redundant sentence):

His eyes scanned the horizon, trying to receive a glimpse of what he was in search of.

If he is scanning the horizon, then it is all ready implied that he is looking for something. You didn't even tell us what he was looking for. So this isn't just redundant, but useless.

An example of a convoluted sentence:

Piercing yellow eyes, like a cat’s, rolled across the elf’s face calmly, almost lazily.

I'm still not sure what this means.

For the first example, you could delete the entire sentence, with no loss to your story.

The second example could be shortened so that he just scanned the area and came down. This would imply that he's either seen no threat and is about to continue, or that he has seen a threat and he's going to deal with it now.

I would probably need to be intoxicated to understand the third example. Clarify it, for your own sake.

But wait! There's more!

Some of things you write about still make no sense!

Consider the scythes. Why on _______ would an elf have a farmer's tool, especially one made out of silver? Steel is much stronger and therefore, much more practical. Scythes are used for cutting wheat, not people.

Hope this helps.

I believe when he says, "Piercing yellow eyes, like a cat's, rolled across the elf's face calmly, almost lazily." He means his own eyes. He is saying his eyes look like pircing yellow cats eyes, and he is rolling them, calmy and lazily in his eye sockets.

I'm not to sure about this story or what it has to do with elements. I want to say I liked it but it's to early in the story to say anything. Keep updating!

If cat eyes started rolling down my face, I'd freak out big time.

I believe when he says, "Piercing yellow eyes, like a cat's, rolled across the elf's face calmly, almost lazily." He means his own eyes. He is saying his eyes look like pircing yellow cats eyes, and he is rolling them, calmy and lazily in his eye sockets

It is a metaphore which like JasonDeane said, his own eyes looked like those of a cat. A metaphore is just a way of describing something by saying what it looks like.

For Example,
" You might think that the sea is company, exploding comfortably down on the cliffs, but no: when it begins, the flung spray hits the very windows, spits like a tame cat turned savage."
Extract from a poem by Seamus Heaney, "Strom on the Island".

It is just to describe how his eyes appeared.

Good story like. Can't what to read more. You should continue and if you stick to a good story you would make a good author