Crazy Me

Crazy Me

This is my crazy song.
My faith,
My redemption,
My hopes,

The turning of a new leaf.

This is me.
Unveiled.
Untold.
Unfinished.

The birth of a legend.

This is my chance.
To be real.
To be true.
To be… myself.

Look away and you might miss it.

The conformity is over.
The change, complete.

My voice will rise.

This is my crazy song.
This is;
Me.

I will be adding to this i think. I just wanted some feedback.
thanx
~Tina

I really like this.

I think it captures what most people at some point feel, but don't know how to say.
I also really like the structure and the way it flows to the next line.

I'm no real expert on poetry, but very well done.

TellATaleFor2 wrote:Crazy Me

This is my crazy song.
My faith.
My redemption.
My hopes.

The turning of a new leaf.

This is me.
Unveiled.
Untold.
Unfinished.

The birth of a legend.

This is my chance,
To be real,
To be true,
To be… myself.

Look away and you might miss it.

The conformity is over,
The change, complete.

My voice will rise.

This is my crazy song.
This is,
Me.

I added a lot of periods, to it so there would be more of an impluse of emotion. I loved it, good job.

Keep Writing!

I liked it though it comes off vague, I feel like you could have put just a little bit more into it. You're just telling us stuff, and slightly making us feel emotion, but you could do more.

Armadian's add of punctuation was good, though I think the first stanza should be more commas than periods. And this:

This is,
Me.

Would look so much more dramatic with a colon rather than a period.

It left for more to be desired, but it wasn't completely bad. It has promise. I just think you should give us more.

For example.

This is my chance,
To be real,
To be true,
To be… myself.

What exactly is this chance? What daring action are you taking? You don't have to tell everything but the poem feels...blank and empty.

Tina -


Did you hit your head before writing this?

Seriously, do not add onto this. Deposit in a nearby trashbin before it contaminates your other work.

In the meantime: work on precise imagery, metaphor, and creating poetry that escapes your navel.


All the best,
Brad

lmao
alrighty Brad

~Tina

Wow. This is really good. I like it. Wish I could think of something that cool.

I like it it has potential ecept for the opening stanza it could use some work

Tina,
I had no idea you were such a good poet.
I disagree with Brad, and I think maybe the first stanza is a little, hmm what to call it, I can't even think of a word. Keep writing though, it's really good.

pretty good. i enjoy your other pieces better. this one seems kind of empty. especially the first line. it seems to need something...that line...it doesn't fit the rest of the poem, in my opinion.

(punctuation: no semi-colon in the last stanza; there is no need for punctuation after that line.)

"The turning of a new leaf" and "Look away and you might miss it" were the best lines because they diverted from you talking repeatedly that you will change, and got into the mechanics of how you will do so. What's in between is alright, but it only repeats the same thing in different ways, and doesn't do much to move anything forward.

If this is a poem about change and emerging as something new, why is it called "Crazy Me" and why does it begin and end talking about a crazy song?

I'd suggest taking the two lines mentioned above, and see how you can expand on them.

hmmm...i liked it very much. i just don't really like how the first stanza goes with the rest of the poem...maybe think about fixing it a bit.
and Brad is right...please do not add anything on. it is fine as it is. i do not agree with the throwing away part though. why do that? seriously, it was fine. well done!
---Lora

'The conformity is over'?
'Fraid not.

Lines like 'turning a new leaf' are all lovely in their own, horrible, usedsomanytimestheymakemepuke way. Use that lump between your shoulders and write, don't haphazardly construct your pieces with recycled garbage from the nearest Cliche bin.

I'm only this harsh because I know you can do better. (oh, and because it can't possibly be as bad as Brad's xD)

Here's what I thought of it:

"This is my crazy song.
My faith.
My redemption.
My hopes."

Faith, redemption and hopes are all part of a "crazy song". A nice comment on the veiled reality in our modern world that aids religious movements in their drive to make all blind with their abstract promises. "Hopes" also refers to the false sense of imminent stardom felt by the masses as they convince themselves that the red carpet is just around the corner. Sweet.

"The turning of a new leaf"

But that's not you is it?

"This is me.
Unveiled.
Untold.
Unfinished."

An emphasis on individuality, on a mould ready to be sculpted into something brilliant. A revelation to all who say they know you.

"The birth of a legend."

It's new, a re-emphasis of the previous stanza.

"This is my chance.
To be real.
To be true.
To be… myself. "

Again, you strain at the leashes of reality-restricting ideals and the manner of our society. A quest to break past the lies and search for the essence of yourself. A gift chance.

"Look away and you might miss it."

It's going to be quick. A little unsure about the necessity of this, apart from structural.

"The conformity is over.
The change, complete."

It happened just then, while I was reading. You have completed your goal already, it was quick indeed.

"My voice will rise."

Freedom has given you new power to rise above the rest in order to free them aswell. Your revelation will be made available to all.

"This is my crazy song.
This is;
Me."

A final emphasis on your maintained individuality, unphased by the drastic change you made in your way of thinking.

I enjoyed it. I did contain cliches, but I ignored them. The only thing that struck me was the deep irony in "The birth of a legend", surely you're just giving in to that vain belief that you will be a celebrity someday, but the change that took place within the piece suggested that you really are separate from the rest. A very poignant, if simple, piece.