Ah, les bons vieux temps ou nous etions si malheureux.

Do you remember melancholy?
I’m sure you do, it was all we had.
It was a basket of bad news,
Wrapped in all we couldn’t take.
It became a bad habit of ours,
Like a way of life that chose us instead.


Its good to look back on such a thing,
As why we felt ever so jaded.
Dancing in despair made us smile somehow,
So I don’t regret a thing we did.
Yet in the light of another day I see,
That being this is this being we are.

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Its short but I cant write any more

P.S: "Ah, les bons vieux temps ou nous etions si malheureux" is a french proverb that means "Ah, the good old times when we were so unhappy."

it's interesting and i like the idea but it didn't really capture me. the tone as lovely but because it's so general it seems too light.

Do you remember melancholy?
I’m sure you do, it was all we had.
It was a basket of bad news,
Wrapped in all we couldn’t take.
It became a bad habit of ours,
Like a way of life that chose us instead. - Oooh.


Its good to look back on such a thing,
As why we felt ever so jaded. - get rid of 'ever'
Dancing in despair made us smile somehow,
So I don’t regret a thing we did.
Yet in the light of another day I see,
That being this is this being we are.


Aww. Wow. I liked this poem. How you wrote it is absoloutely lovely. By the way, tu parle francais? Je ne parle pas francais beacoup, mais, je parle bon. You're a great writer, and I love this poem. Did I repeat myself? Whatever. You're a great writer! CONTINUE WRITING!

=P Aww man. And here I thought it was french. *goes to an all french school*

This is a nice sweet poem. I especially liked the first bit. I didn't see any grammar problems either. Sorry this isn't a helpful crit, I just figured since I read it I would let you know I liked it. Great work!


^_^ Keek!

(Also, you probably don't have a french keyboard but the 'ou' without an accent actually means 'or'. *thought the poem had two different titles* =P Doesn't really matter though.)

Heh, like Sleeping Valor said, I can't help but fix your title. I looked at it and couldn't understand it. Oo

les bons vieux temps ou nous etions si malheureux

It needs some accents: Les bons vieux temps où nous étions si malheureux.

If you have Windows you can get the ù with alt + 151 and é with alt + 130. I'm also not sure about the last part. Si means if. Where did you find this proverb?


The poem is nice, I liked it. I don't have a whole lot to complain about, other than the last line. It makes no sense to me. It kind of does, but I think you're better off simplifying it.