Crimson Tears

My eyes filled with tears
I cannot shed,
my arms cry instead
there crimson tears.

Wanting to die
with nowhere to hide,
my only way out
is to bleed.

Why can't you see
the scars on my arms?
I'm crying for help,
with my crimson tears.

Feelings of worthlessness,
are my only companion.
My razor blade,
my best friend.

I need you to help me,
but you can only see.
My smiling face,
under the mask I hide.

hadn't cut in while
I relinquished control.
My only way out,
is destructive to me.

no one can find,
this secret I hide.
Others knew in the past,
it brought me distress.

My skin cut wide open
the marks on my side
my arms are crying,
with crimson tears.

I need an escape
with nowhere to go.
I pick up my knife
I start the flow,

-fear
-pain
-bleed
-relief

This is my life.
my body cries
with crimson tears.

Interesting... Well I suppose that's one way to look at repeated suicide attempts.

Punctuation would help a touch with this poem by the way, the way you've written it makes it one long...hold up, is there a full stop at the end? There isn't, I can't even say that it's one long sentence because it doesn't, in fact, end!

I -did- like however, this part

I need an escape
with nowhere to go
I pick up my knife
I start the flow

-fear
-pain
-bleed
-relief

Buuut, punctuation is a -must-. This is how I'd put your punctuation in

My eyes filled with tears
I cannot shed,
my arms cry instead
they're crimson tears.

Wanting to die
with nowhere to hide--
my only way out,
is to bleed .

Why can't you see
the scars on my arms?
I'm crying for help, <--- This change is optional
with my crimson tears.

Punctuation would just help the flow with things a little better, get the point across as such. Elsewise each line just runs into the other and they all jumble up. Although your -- fear etc part was rather well done, I got the feeling that each word was a drop bleeding out.

Not too bad, just fix up the punctuation a touch and you'll have a better rhythm to your poem dear, otherwise it's pretty good.

~Chibi

I agree with Chibi, punctuation would be nice, but first I think you need to seriously reconsider what you're doing with this poem. Though I sympathize with people who are very depressed and cut themselves, this poem failed to draw me in. I couldn't connect to the speaker; it felt like there were just a bunch of phrases being laid out in front of me. It is a list of pitiful emotions.

There are some good ideas in here; bleeding as a substitute for crying interested me, as well as the razor blade being a best friend. A lot of other things in here are repetitive and worthless phrases that bore the reader. I suggest underlining your most unique and captivating phrases, and then cutting out everything else (no pun intended). Make it two or three stanzas. It seems short, but there'll be a much higher concentration of interesting things.

Colleen

Ok... it's not a new topic, but obviously an important one to adress... but I would like to see some new imagery here, some more personal feelings, maybe even a plot, or something that would connect all these instances of cutting other than the fact that they're all cutting. Were there different emotions behind different times when this happened? What immediately preceded/followed the cutting? Where were you? What was it about?

I have six friends who are cutters, one who burns himself. I've read some of their poetry (sometimes they even cut it into their skin), but it always seems to be saying, "this is about me, all about me, look at me, me, me!", which doesn't really draw the reader in unless they're already in love with you. When I try to tell my friends that they seem to be asking for attention they deny it vehemently, but their poetry seems to be saying the exact opposite - a desperate plea for someone to notice them, recognize their feelings. Your poem seems like this too - it's very self-centered, and this prevents the reader from really connecting. You need an emotion that the reader can relate to, you need an image that will ingrain itself in their brains. To be effective here, you have to stop thinking about the cutting, the pain, the emotions, all that - and start thinking about the reader. Maybe this poem was to relieve stress, and doing these things would ruin that. I don't know. I'm just saying that to improve as a poem, here are some things you should consider.

One part I really liked was the bit

-fear
-pain
-bleed
-relief

but I thought maybe 'bleed' should be changed to 'blood' to match the other nouns. I also really liked the whole blood=tears metaphor thing. That was really cool, and you had some good imagery stemming from it. Keep working on this, keep writing - you'll do fine.