It's red, it's blue

Sally's shoe:
it's red.

Or is it
blue?

That's the argument
they say

that happened on
that day.

Jimmy tackled John
and Kate yelled at Nate

and they were all
put on the wall.

Very whimsical. It's odd, but adorably so. Perhaps like Dr. Seuss: "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish." There's obviously not much you're trying to say here. It just seemed to be plopped down on the paper/computer screen.

The rhyme, although inconsistent, was effective and made it all the more enjoyable.

That's the argument
the say

Should that be "they say"?

And they were all
put on the wall

What wall? A Wall of Shame?

Some punctuation would be nice. Here's how I would puncuate it:

Sally's shoe:
it's red.

Or is it
blue?

That's the argument,
they say,

that happened
that day.

Jimmy tackled John
and Kate yelled at Nate

and they were all
put on the wall.

Cute, but that's about as far as it goes. Very enjoyable!

Colleen

I like it. So much trouble over the color of a shoe. What could have escalated such an argument into a brawl? The mind can only ponder. Perhaps this is speaking out against superficial emphasis in today's world. Maybe it's a true story with facts that will never be fully recovered. A third person stand point on a truely bizarre situation that will never be entirely explained. This "wall" also intrigues me. I imagine it's a real wall they are "put on" by pictures of themselves to indicate their bad behavior. I like it. It's simple and to the point, but leaves so many more questions to be answered.

I agree with UberJimmy. Leaves one to wonder and ponder and do all sorts of thinking. Well done. ^_^
~Capn't Six

I loved this poem!!!!


i don't have the details of why, but it just touched me in my writer's soul.


u r excellent at this kind of poetry


and i hope u continue



write more so I can read them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im happy

Heh, strange. Y'know, I liked it.

A surprise.

To break the phase of adoration, I have to admit that I didn't like it, actually. No offence to you of course, it's just...well, a bit pointless seeming to me is all. Why argue about the colour of a shoe? I mean, it has potential to be rather amusing, if there was a touch more detail to the poem but then that's just me.

Again, no offence intended, but to me that poem was just...blah. You jumped from they to sally to Nate etc, so this brawl started out over the colour of her shoe? I don't get it, sorry.

~Chibi

Very strange, but in a good way. Sounded weird, but I suck at poetry, so don't mind me!

I...can't decide whether or not I liked this. Perhaps I'm reading to much into it... Yes, I'm sure that's it.

Mmk... verdict--
If taken at face value, it's an enjoyable piece. Just don't search for deeper meaning :p

I agree with everything whence said. It's whimsical and fun, but doesn't have much real value. Cute.

Wow! Super coool!

seriously, this is what poetry is about, isn't it? Writing what the hell you want in a lyrical way and just being expressive through rhythm and words! LOVE IT!

^^

I don't really like the rhythm or flow to this. Also, I don't see what you're saying in this. This doesn't make sense to me.

That's the argument
they say

that happened on
that day.

Jimmy tackled John
and Kate yelled at Nate

and they were all
put on the wall.

I don't see what or how this has to do with Sally's shoes. In the first two stanzas, you asked what color they were. Then for the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth stanzas you start talking about a fight. Try to redo this and talk about Sally's shoes.

mandylynn16: No chat speak and caps for a review, please.

I don't know why, but there was something very, very irresistible in this poem. It was different from phony, fake artistic poems and I loved it. Short, sweet and strange. Can it get any better?

There are still a few things I have to complain about. I think this part:

"Sally's shoe:
it's red.

Or is it
blue?"

should be like this:

"Sally's shoe:
it's red.

Or
is it blue?"

I don't know why (again), but I think it sounds better, although it looks more weird. But if you say that out loud, I think it would sound better that way.

Also, I think it's a little odd to say "that's the argument that happened". It just doesn't seem right.

But wonderful job, I have to say. Write more!

Though I'm not really sure I understand the point of the poem, I really actualy liked it. It was very smooth and reminded me of the silly poems I would read when I was little.
But does a poem really need a meaning? Does it actually have to make any sense? I mean, writing is supposed to be bold and raw and this poem is both of those things. Overall, I really like this. It's bare, a little strange, and very strong. Great job!

This is silly. I had no clue the first time I read it. Then I thought about some psychedelic lyrical outburst of words... and when I think of it that way, I like it. I think there's things you could do to make it better, but I don't know if I'd change it all, because i think the poem just wants to be imperfect and silly.